Silent Memories
by esprit noir
Summary: A Tam Family Saga. River Tam could have become anything she put her mind to, but all she wanted to do was dance. A story detailing the events around River’s decision to go to the Academy. PreSeries. COMPLETE 2 AUG 09
1. Prologue

Summary: River Tam could have become anything she put her mind to, but all she wanted to do was dance. A story detailing the events leading up to River's decision to go to the Academy. Pre-Series. Focus on River's relationship with her parents. Characters: Gabriel and Reagan Tam, River, Simon

Disclaimer: Everything belonging to the Firefly Verse belongs to Joss and associated entities – everything else left over belongs to me.

**SILENT MEMORIES**

**Prologue**

_Classified Facility on Osiris, Dr R. Taverley's Office – 2500AD_

The state of Robert Taverley's office might have been likened the devastation caused by a terraforming accident. Needless to say, that like most men of his genius, Robert Taverley didn't pay attention to useless things like neatness or organisation because his mind was always inevitably focused on something else – usually very important to the history of the 'verse, and/or the future of humankind. This was such an occasion, and when his assistant Adria Miller knocked on the door and tried to get his attention, he seemed absolutely adamant in his refusal to acknowledge her.

"Dr Taverley?" Adria said for the fourth time, raising her voice.

Robert sighed with annoyance and said tersely, still not raising his eyes, "I'm very busy Adria." He continued to type away.

"I know Dr Taverley…but I've just received a wave from Doctor Min. It's Reagan Tam sir…"

The words 'Reagan Tam' completely captured Dr Taverley's attention. He stopped his typing, and was suddenly moved to stand.

"Yes?" the urgency in his voice prompted Adria to reply.

Adria smiled triumphantly, "She's just delivered a healthy baby girl."

Taverley sunk back into his seat, with a smile of victory plastered all over his face.

"And Yun Min?"

Adria grimaced, "Unfortunately…she failed sir. Mrs Tam requested another Doctor."

Taverley hardly seemed to find this anything to worry about, as he waved his hand dismissively still smiling widely, "You know what? It doesn't even matter anymore…"

He looked at his screen, regarding the picture of the woman who was going to make all his dreams come true. Her name, Reagan Angelica Cardinal-Tam.

"It doesn't matter…" he repeated, hope shining in his eyes. "My girl always comes through for me in the end."


	2. Part 1

Summary: River Tam could have become anything she put her mind to, but all she wanted to do was dance. A story detailing the events leading up to River's decision to go to the Academy. Pre-Series.Characters: Mrs and Mrs Tam, River, Simon.

Author's Note: Pt 1 based on the end of 'River Tam Session 1'where River is being interviewedfor the Academy. You don't have to be familiar with it to understand - but if you haven't seen them,you should,'cos they are coooool...

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**Silent Memories**

**Part 1 – Decisions**

Silence hangs like a curtain in the cold, bare, almost prison-like simplicity of the interview room. River Tam, faces Dr Mathias from across the table, biting her lip, furrowing her brow.

"Would I still get to dance…?" the question is put to Dr Mathias quietly, innocently. River presses her lips together.

Dr Mathias nods slowly, "If you wanted to…" he paused a moment, River could tell he was choosing his words carefully, "this institute is all about helping you to reach your full potential River."

His answer confuses her. River casts her eyes down, as she smooths out the pleats of her skirt over her knees. The uneasy feeling that she had before when she first arrived, is coming back in full force. She doesn't like the way he's looking at her.

"I…I don't mean to be rude, but I would like to go please. I've stayed too long…my parents expected me home an hour ago."

"Of course River, I shall arrange for you to be taken home." Dr Mathias nods, "But before you go…could you answer my question? Is this something you are interested in…attending this academy?"

River stands, and shrugs, "I have to discuss it with my parents first."

"Yes of course," Dr Mathias opens the door and stands aside to let her through, "Just remember…we're here for _you _River, to make you into the best you can possibly be…and no other purpose."

River pauses at the threshold. She turns to look at Dr Mathias one last time, and decides she never wants to see him again.


	3. Part 2

**Part 2 - Escape**

"So princess, how did you like it? Did you meet Dr Mathias?"

Gabriel Tam leaned against the front edge of his desk, and smiled encouragingly at his daughter. He craned his neck, trying to search for her eyes, but she refused to lift them.

"Yes, we talked a bit."

"About what?"

"School…Simon. That sort of thing," she shrugged, and played with her necklace.

Gabriel shared a look with his wife, and continued, "Did you see the place? Didn't you like it?"

"It doesn't look any different from the GenEd Institute." Came the ungenerous answer.

Reagan Tam pressed her lips tightly together, as she was want to do when was choosing her words carefully. In the end, all she come out with was, "How was Dr Mathias?"

"He was…okay…" she frowned, and chewed on the chain of her necklace, a habit from childhood that came to the fore when she was nervous, "…but he creeped me out a bit."

Gabriel made a face, "What do you mean princess?"

"He…he said the Alliance…wanted to…needed my mind. I think…he phrased it funny…he said they wanted my mind to do everything it could do…I didn't understand…"

Reagan laughs breathily, "These academic types…they're all a little eccentric. I'm sure he only meant to imply that you'd be challenged in more ways than you'd be in GenEd."

River didn't want to reply. Gabriel regarded his daughter with a worried eye, "River?" he said softly, trying to gauge her reaction.

"I…" River shot a look at her mother, who was positioned languidly, with one elegantly shoed leg crossed over the other, on the chaise. Her eyes were half-lidded so River couldn't really determine her expression, but for some reason she decided on a need for caution, "Daddy I'm not sure…it might not be…I still want to dance."

"Oh darling," Reagan Tam says before her husband could answer, "I'm sure there's some sort of dance programme at this school."

"For the money we'd be paying they'd better have one!" Gabriel said with a bluntness which made his wife cringe.

"Don't be so vulgar Gabriel…" Reagan's hard look softened, and she came down to sit next to her daughter and put a loving arm around her.

Gabriel saw River wince, and try to cover it, as his wife put one of her long, silken covered arms around her shoulders. River's eyes looked at him, wide and pleading as his wife began to speak, "Now my little comet, let's stop being so silly about this and just-"

"You know what," Gabriel said taking his daughter's hand and helping her to stand, practically taking her from her mother's arms, "We can talk about this later."

"I think we should talk about this now…my dear," Reagan said through her teeth, still trying to smile. Mr and Mrs Tam had made a decision early on never to fight infront of their children.

"Nonsense!" Gabriel said flippantly, much to his wife's chagrin, he looked down at his daughter and winked, "After all, it's not like we have to make a decision tonight. We'll look around at some other options over the next few days and we'll make a decision when you're ready…okay?"

River hugged her father gratefully and kissed his cheek, "I love you daddy," she whispered before leaving the room at great speed.


	4. Part 3

**Part 3 – Wayward Rivers Flow**

As soon as the door was closed, Gabriel and his wife faced off. Gabriel remained steely for a moment, before softening and moving forward to take her hand, "Come on Reagan don't be so angry-"

"How dare you!" she pulled away from him, her eyes flashing dangerous "How dare you call me nonsensical in front of our daughter!"

"Lord help me –" Gabriel said directing his eyes towards the roof, pleading for strength, he continued in a voice demonstrably lighter than his wife's, "Reagan, she obviously didn't want to talk about it-"

"You're _always_ doing that!" Reagan snapped, "Always coddling her, and spoiling her. You're always making me out to be the bad guy, whenever you want to play the 'friend'." She spun around angrily and moved away from him, "You're her father, act like it!"

"Calm down Reagan," Gabriel warned, "As far as I'm concerned the role the a father is to protect his children-"

Reagan guffawed incredulously, "You think River needs protecting from her own mother?"

"That's not what I said!"

"That's obviously what you're thinking!"

Gabriel turned away from his wife, and poured himself a drink. He paused looking at his glass, and then at the bottle holding his whisky, and decided to make it a double. This certainly seemed like one of those occasions where he would need it.

Reagan sighed heavily, and leaning against one of the tables close by, as she collected herself.

"I want her to go to that Academy Gabriel." Came the strong, quiet voice, over her shoulder.

"Reagan…"

"What?" She spun around.

"You know exactly what…" Gabriel warned his wife pointedly, he sat down, "I would like her to go as well Reagan. The Academy sounds like it has the most exciting programme and I think it would be good for her, to be in a place for young people as gifted as she is. But River doesn't seem like she really wants to be there."

"She's fourteen! She doesn't know what she wants!"

"She's not a child Reagan, you can't treat her like one," Gabriel sighed shaking his head, "Ultimately it has to be her decision."

"Of course it's not! We're her parents. We know what's best for her."

"All I know is I want my daughter to be happy."

"Why wouldn't she be just as happy at the Academy?"

"Why are you so set of this?"

Reagan's eyes narrowed, "You didn't answer my question!"

"How would I know? I'm not psychic!" Gabriel practically threw his hands up in defeat, "There might be a thousands reason why River doesn't want to go to that place, or there might just be one. Either way, I'm not going to force her to go anywhere she doesn't want to."

"I would never force her to do something she disliked Gabriel, I'm not a monster! But she's just a teenager, she needs guidance…" Reagan shook her head, "She's getting wayward and capricious! And it's gotten worse since Simon went to work in Capital City!"

Gabriel massaged the crease of his brow, and took a long drawn sip of his drink. He felt the couch dip as Reagan placed her body close to his and reached one hand up to massage his shoulder, "I don't want to nag Gabriel…but River needs discipline and she needs something challenging to put her mind to – and obviously that's not something she can get from us."

"She's still young Reagan."

"Young or not, our daughter is not like some normal teenager! She's brilliant in ways that people have never seen before! How many three year olds do you know who can correct their older brother's spelling?"

This, Gabriel had to agree with. Sometimes, when he watched his daughter work, whether it was quantum physics, playing the piano, dance her way across the stage with a grace almost unearthly, he had wondered if maybe she had been _engineered _by some higher power.

But then he remembers how ticklish she is, the time years ago when he found Simon and River pillaging the cookie jar (with an adorable look of guilt on their mischievous faces), and how she always kisses him before she goes to bed and he knows she's his daughter.

"This Academy…the programme they have, for once in her life she won't be head of the class because the other students there will be able to keep up with her! She's got to learn that things can't always go her way."

"You make her sound a petulant debutante Reagan, and she's nothing of the sort" Gabriel said angrily, "Besides there's other places that can offer her these things. Now I've thought about it, River might be right. I mean what sort of school doesn't even let the parents of the children who are going to be studying there go with them to an interview! And they wouldn't even let us take her there! They sent that shuttle to fetch her instead! It's all a very dubious business if you ask me."

"Ha! So I guess you're just going to stand by and see your daughter become nothing more than a tittering ballerina waving a rose back and forth in the chorus?"

"If she wants to dance Reagan, I'm not going to stop her."

"She's completely wasted being dancer!"

"The Osiris Academy of Dance is hardly a waste of space. It feeds right into the Osiris Dance Company. I wouldn't be surprised if she were accepted in the Company within six months of her enrolling. River has the talent to excel in whatever she does."

"Besides, she might decide that dancing is not the thing for her after all. It's not like we don't have the money – we could send her anywhere! What about that University on Londonium? Or even Sihnon – her academic record isn't even a question that needs considering, and she's a Tam after all, we have a very long tradition of Companions in the family."

"She was made for something greater, "Reagan insists, "You have Simon – he's become that brilliant doctor that you always wanted him to become. What about me?" Her momentary loss of control snaps her back into attention. She bites her lip.

"I _have _Simon!" Gabriel says incredulously, "Reagan, are you hearing what you're saying?"

"Don't give me that." Her tone is more subdued now, but not any less menacing, because she's on shaky ground now and she has to turn the argument around, "You know exactly what I'm talking about. His whole life you've been saying that he was going to become a surgeon – what less could he possibly do?"

"I would have never forced to do something he didn't want Reagan. If you ever took the opportunity to even wave him you'd hear and see for yourself that he's making a difference in people's lives. He's helping people – I heard he reattached a girl's leg – HER WHOLE LEG – the other day! In fact, I think he's more at home at the hospital than he ever was here…"

Reagan sneers, "You've actually deluded yourself into thinking Simon's decision to go to the MedAcad had nothing to do with you-"

"He wants to make me proud! Fine I'll admit that. He's always made me proud. He's grown into an upstanding, decent citizen of society – what father could not be proud of a son like him? But I would have supported him to the nth degree if he ever wanted to do something else. I would be disappointed, I'll admit but he is my son and I want him to be happy. As do, I want my daughter to be."

"And what do you think I want for my children?"

"Sometimes I wonder if you're not thinking about what you want for yourself…" Gabriel shrugged into his coat.

He gave his wife a final look saying, "I'm begging you to remember she's your daughter Reagan, not some final desperate opportunity for fame," and slammed the door behind him.


	5. Part 4

Author's Note: Part 4 and Part 5 are supposed take place concurrently in terms of 'time periods' – so you know, don't be confused okay? Also, it's a little scary how good ppl are at guessing what my story is about. That might not say much about my writing though…but anyway, enjoy.

REVIEW I SAY! REVIEW!...please?

**Part 4 – Caught**

"Ah!"

River gasped, and then flushed as her father came storming out of the room. He looked down at her, an expression of mild disgust spreading across his face. It made River feel about three inches tall. She wished he would just yell at her.

"What did I tell you about listening at doors?" his voice dripped with sarcasm.

"I wasn't-"

"River, I might be a lawyer but I'm not stupid."

"Baba, Duibuqi …" River said softly.

"Are you really? Is this what your mother meant about you being _wayward and capricious_?" he can't keep the disdain out of his voice at these last words, since he's still reeling from his last battle. It's making his meaner than he usually is with his daughter.

River hiccupped with shock, hearing the harshness in her father's voice. Gabriel felt a pang seeing the pain he's caused her and said in a marginally kinder voice, "Did you at least get the information you wanted?"

River inhaled deeply, trying to keep back the childish tears she felt prickling at her eyes, "I don't want you to fight because of me."

"Oh River we weren't-" he stops seeing her scepticism. Sighing, he cups her head to make sure she's looking at him, "River, that, in there, was not your fault. Your mother and I just have different opinions about what we think is best for you…" Gabriel grimaces, "But she has a point."

River's head jerk's sharply.

"I know you want to dance River, but behaving like this…it's not going to do you any good if you want to convince your mother that you're responsible enough to take care of yourself. You got to give me something here River, otherwise I can't argue your case for you…dong ma?"

River nodded slowly. Gabriel didn't smile this time, but he kisses her forehead. "Go get ready for your dance rehearsal. I'll have Albert drop you off." He sends her on her way with a gentle push and watches her, with a heavy heart as she disappears out of his sight.

Translations:

Baba Duibuqi – Father, sorry


	6. Part 5

Author's Note: Italics denote a flashback/memory...

**Part 5 – Marked**

The door slams, and the bang echoes through Reagan's mind. She stands in the middle of the room, fuming silently, still glaring at the door with angry intent.

She wants to go after him. Grab him and shake him and force him to remember how much he loves her. She almost misses those days, when heated arguments led to heated making-up.

But she doesn't. Because they're not young anymore. Life has doused the fire. Now she's nothing to him but a wife and a mother.

She closes her eyes and swallows the memories. She was dazzling and charming. He was strong and passionate. How wonderful it had been to be in love. Not just to love. Reagan remembers him chasing her, and how it felt to have such a power over him. Now her voice is pale and gone is the time when she was the only one in his world.

She lets out a breath, deep and tired and returns to her seat. She can't even remember standing up. She hadn't realised. All she could remember was the words.

_You have Simon!...What about me?_

How foolish she had been. She threw her head back with defeat and as she did, she caught sight of the cabinet adjacent to the lounge.

It was littered with Tam family paraphernalia. Trophies, medals, pictures and captures, and even a painting that River had made for her father when she was five.

Of course, it wasn't like Reagan had remembered this. It was there at the bottom of the page.

River Kamilah Tam, 5 years old – in carefully written characters, much too neat for a normal five year old to have created with her brush.

Reagan shook her head with disbelief putting it back down and then trailing her hands over the various framed pictures and some captures which make up the majority of the paraphernalia. She pauses, when she gets to one of the larger frames because unlike the others…

This one, she remembers with perfect clarity.

She picks it up and for the first time in a long time, she smiles a real smile of real happiness.

The day River was born.

Gabriel took it, she recalls. While she sat on the hospital bed, with River in her arms, and Simon sitting on the bed next to her, looking with wide eyed love at his little sister.

"_She's so tiny…" he had breathed, almost afraid to touch her. _

_Reagan laughed, "She'll get bigger, don't you worry…"_

"_What's her name?"_

_Reagan shared a look with her husband before saying to her son, "You're her big brother…what do you think would be a good name for her?"_

_Simon seemed to give the question a lot of thought. At length he had said, "Gerda."_

_Gabriel had snorted with amusement, but luckily Reagan had enough control to keep her amusement to a slight giggle. "I'm sorry darling…" as Simon was looking mildly disgusted at his parents, "Why Gerda?"_

"_Because Mrs Mavel in the kitchen's first name is Gerda…and she's nice…her cookies are good too."_

_Gabriel cleared his throat, "But don't you think it'd get a bit confusing. With two people in the house called Gerda?"_

_Understanding shone on Simon's face and he nodded, "I hadn't thought of that…"_

"_I was actually thinking Kamilah…" Reagan said looking at the baby's face, "After my mother – it means 'the perfect one'."_

"_My God Reagan, give the girl a chance!" Gabriel guffawed, "If ever a woman were wrongly named-"_

"_Gabriel! Hush!" Reagan snapped, glaring at him, "Not in front of Simon…"_

_Simon however, didn't seemed to be listening to his parents. He was staring at his baby sister with such intent that Reagan almost laughed again. _

"_Besides…" Reagan said raising a pointed eyebrow at her husband, "I carried her – I can name her whatever I want. When you give birth to our next child you can name them whatever you want."_

"_What about…Summer? I always thought that was a rather nice name." Gabriel said putting an arm around his son. _

_Reagan looked up to give Gabriel a glare, "I am NOT naming my daughter after your first girlfriend." She hissed, daring him to argue. _

_Gabriel had the decency to look sheepish, "What about Yolanda-"_

"_River."_

_Reagan and Gabriel blinked. _

"_What?"_

"_River." Simon said determinately, "Her name's River."_

"_Oh darling, that's a lovely name but…"_

"_River," Simon insisted, reaching out to touch his sister's hand, "River, ni hao."_

_As if agreeing to it, River gurgled delightedly. _

"_See! Her name's River!"_

_And thus the bond was forged. Between a brother who would give up everything for his sister, and a sister who couldn't do without her big brother. _

_After that, there didn't seem much point arguing. So when the nurse came in to fill out the birth certificate, Reagan answered before her husband could object:_

"_River Kamilah Tam."_

_Later, since Simon had pestered his father to take him for a walk around the hospital so he could watch the doctors work, Reagan was left alone with River in her room. She almost wished she had not insisted Gabriel go with Simon because she had just received news that her usual doctor, Dr Harding had been in an accident and as a result he had sent ahead someone else whom she had never met to take care of Reagan in his absence. _

"_Mrs Tam?" _

_Reagan looked up and saw a woman smiling at her in the door way. She was wearing long white coat, and her black hair was tied back in a tight bun. As she came closer, Reagan was shocked to find that she had a pair of the most hypnotic green eyes that Reagan had ever seen. _

"_Are you Doctor Min?"_

_The woman smiled and nodded, "I am."_

"_I got the message from Doctor Harding. I hope he'll be alright?"_

"_He's fine…just a little bruised and battered as you can imagine."_

_Mrs Tam shook her head, "Those skycars are so dangerous…"_

_Doctor Min tapped at the screen by Mrs Tam's bed and brought up her chart, "They are." She replied lightly, tracing a cursory eye over the information, "But don't worry. He'll be fine with a bit of rest, and in the mean time," she took a second and looked at Mrs Tam, "I'll take good care of you."_

_Reagan blinked and instinctively avoided Doctor Min's eyes. For some reason, there was something in the bright, almost alien greenness of the woman's eyes that made her want _

_to shy away and hide. She clutched her daughter closer to her as the little girl began to fret._

"_Isn't she lovely…" Doctor Min moved closer and smiled down at the baby. She drew a hand across the little girl's head, her finger tips hardly touching the fine downy hairs on the baby's head, as if there were a heated force field preventing her from getting too close. "What did we call her?"_

"_We…I mean…" Reagan shook her head and laughed slightly, "She's called River."_

"_That's an unusual name…"_

"_Yes, it's a little outlandish…"_

"…_but fitting…for an unusual child…"_

"…_and we thought-" Reagan started, and pulled her daughter closer to her side farthest from Doctor Min's body, "Wait," she snapped, "What did you say?"_

_There was a flash of something in Doctor Min's eyes, a recognition, a confusion, but as soon as it appeared, it was gone. The Doctor blinked innocently, "Did I say something?" _

"_Yes!" Reagan said insistently, "You said she was unusual…what is that supposed to mean?"_

_When Doctor Min didn't reply straight away, Reagan leaned over the press the button by her bed, "If you…if you don't mind, I'd like to speak to my husband. NOW."_

"_Mrs Tam I didn't mean-"_

"_Now…"_

_Doctor Min gulped and nodded, "I shall fetch him for you." _

_It was only when she had left that Reagan could relax. She exhaled with relief and looked down at the baby in her arms. _

_River blinked at her, big beautiful eyes and gurgled. Reagan laughed with her, and tickled her chin, "Don't worry about that awful doctor River…I think you're just perfect…"_

The crash of breaking glass brought Reagan back to reality. She looked at her empty hand and then at the picture frame on the ground and frowned over the silvery shards of glass that littered the space at her feet.

The irony forced a bitter mirthful laugh from her. God, she thought, had it really come down to this? Her laughing at obvious jokes that no one was around to hear?

Automatically she leant down and began to pick up the pieces. But she was careless, and yelped as one shard cut through the skin.

She lifted the thumb to her lips and tasted blood. Her eyes went to the picture and she took it and got to her feet, her thumb marking the picture with blood. She tried to wipe it away but it wouldn't come unstuck. Reagan felt the tears prickle in her eyes, the tears she thought she'd never cry again and she held the picture close to her body.

"I'm sorry baby…" she whispered, closing her eyes, "Forgive me."

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	7. Part 6

**Part 6 – Pirates Have Parrots **

At first he thought he was dreaming.

Gabriel had been slipping in and out of sleep for the last few hours, trying to no avail to just relax. It seemed that even the blinking glow of his clock seemed too bright for him, and the his pillow seemed to have developed some very interesting lumps since he had slept on them last. The sleeping pills he had taken before were obviously not doing their job, and he also seemed to be developing a headache.

But after the third muffled _something_, he knew he wasn't hearing things.

Gabriel swings his legs over the side of the bed and blinks into the darkness. He automatically looks over to check on Reagan but remembers she went to sleep in her own bedroom on account of the fight they had that evening. Wrapping his robe around him, he stalks stiffly down the hall, wincing as his knee twinges with pain. He reflected with some grimness that he was getting old.

He walks past Reagan's door and listens carefully even though in his heart he knows it's not her. Reagan's not the sort of woman to stay awake over a fight. Much too undignified and it's not like she would take the trouble to cry over him. They've been together too long for him to affect her like that.

Besides, she sleeps like a log. Though she'd never phrase it like that because it wasn't something particularly 'ladylike'. She snored too, but he would never tell her.

There's a shuffling, something dropped on the floor and then more shuffling. He continues down the hall and doesn't quite believe his eyes when he sees light glowing from the bottom of the door of Simon's study room.

He slides the door open slowly, and finds her sitting in an armchair in the corner of the room, staring intently at the soap opera playing itself out on the screen on Simon's wall. She's muted it, but for some reason she looks as if she's listening to them.

"Hi daddy…" she says not looking at him.

"What's wrong River?"

River shakes her head, "It's stupid…"

Gabriel pads softly forward and forgetting he's angry with her, folds her close to him. She stiffens at first, but instinctively snuggles in. He looks down and sees the remnants of the tears she wiped away quickly.

"Why are you still up?"

"Can't sleep…"

"Why…Nightmare?"

River doesn't answer, but she turns her head into his shoulder.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She is silent again.

"It was just a dream bao bei…you shouldn't let it get to you like that."

It's like her voice has disappeared.

Gabriel rubs her arm through the blanket she's wrapped tightly around herself and stares at the advertisement which has so many flashing lights that Gabriel is surprised he hasn't had a seizure yet.

Fruity Oaty Bars… He almost rolls his eyes. What utter trash are people feeding their children these days? The advertisement finishes and the soap opera comes back on. Gabriel watches with his daughter in silence for awhile, before the crappy storylines (or what he can discern from the various close ups, passionate kisses, and fake looking slaps that make up the majority of the film) get too much for him.

"River, why are we watching this?"

"Takes my mind off…things." River replies, still not looking at him. She doesn't add that being in Simon's room gives her more comfort than she cares to admit. It reminds her of the times when she had her older brother to cling to.

This puts Gabriel in mind of something, "Do you remember…when you were little, and I used to tell you stories whenever you had a bad dream?"

"…Yes," comes the reluctant, uncertain answer.

"You used to love it…" he chuckles softly, "Cowboys and smugglers and criminal masterminds. Gunfights, heists gone wrong…you and Simon used to get carried away and bring dinosaurs into the mix…"

"And pirates…" River lifts her head, smiling slightly, "I always wanted to be a pirate."

He looks back at her, "Do you still want to be one?" He's half-joking but the question's a loaded one. Just needs someone to pull the trigger.

River's smile fades and she turns her eyes to look at screen again, "Depends…"

"On what?"

"You." She doesn't look at him, but he does at her, "Would you let me be a pirate?"

Gabriel thinks for a moment. He's not phased by her question. But he's worried about his answer. He exhales.

"Depends…"

"On what?" River asks without missing a beat.

"You. Would it be appropriate, for Captain 'Peg-Leg' Tam to have a father who works for the Alliance?"

River's eyes move all around the room but they never settle on him. She doesn't see the humour in what he says.

"Conflict of interest…" she murmurs, but then says in irritation, "You can't answer my question with another question. That's not how you play the game. You have to follow the rules or else it doesn't make sense…_you_ told me that."

"I say a lot of things River…too much…at times. And sometimes it's better if things don't make sense."

There's a moment of silence. Like she's thinking hard on his answer. Gabriel readies himself for the emotional bombshell he knows it coming up. Gabriel feels River tense in his arms. He begins to ask her what's wrong. But before he can, she says something which takes his breath away.

"Pirates have parrots…"

Gabriel frowns. "Shenme?"

A moment and she lifts her eyes up to stare into his. Suddenly she's six years old again and looking up at him with wide-eyed childish hopefulness. She takes a little breath as if to ready herself.

"Daddy…" Gabriel feels his stomach drop to his feet, "I want a parrot."


	8. Part 7

**Part 7 – Early Morning**

When River had finally fallen asleep Gabriel went back to bed, just as the sun was coming up. He had resolutely closed his blinds and decided not to emerge until the day was almost over. Of course Reagan would have something to say, but for all he cared, she could nag until her vocal chords disintegrated. However, he would not be so lucky.

Gabriel had not been dozing for more than half an hour, when he was awakened by a cranky Mrs Mavel, saying something about a fat man with a large moustache who was being very pushy and rude about wanting to speak to him. He was half inclined to dismiss the wave, and tell Mrs Mavel to just go back to bed, but realised (with a feeling of foreboding) that the only fat man he knew who had a large moustache went by the name Governor Reuben Von Schleiker and was not exactly someone you told to call back another day.

He had rolled himself out of bed and dragged himself reluctantly towards his office.

"Do you know what time is it?" Gabriel grumbled as he slunk into his office and eased himself into a chair facing his vid screen.

"Gabriel! Thank God you're awake!" exclaimed the Governor with real relief, in that voice of his which made Gabriel shudder. He noted in his uncharitable mood that the Governor was looking more florid than usual, on account of his state of agitation.

Gabriel grunted, "I really wasn't…and could you just tone it down a bit? I'm feeling a mite…_delicate_ right now." He dispensed himself a couple of headache pills and downed them dry. _Maybe if I take enough, they'll knock me out…_

"Delicate my pi-gu!" huffed the Governor in his bluff way, "I've got a crisis on my hands, to hell with you!"

The fact that the Governor had progressed to damning him to hell told Gabriel that he really was in a bad way. He blinked his eyes trying to lighten the load on his eyelids and said in a voice full of care he really didn't feel, "What is it Reuben?"

Governor Von Schleiker made a face, "It's Heinrich…" he said with doom permeating in his words, "…he's been caught in a Blackout Zone."

Gabriel started. Suddenly he was wide awake. "What in the 'verse was he doing there?"

"He wouldn't tell me! And I couldn't get it out of the qing wa cao de liu mang who arrested him either!"

"Language Reuben," Gabriel said tersely, "When was this?"

"Just a few hours ago! I called you as soon as I could. He's being held at Illias…_tell_ me you can do something? The election's coming up soon Gabriel, NO ONE…" he hissed imperatively, "…can find out about this!"

Gabriel nodded, "Calm down Reuben, you're not doing either of us any favours by fussing. We can't do anything today in any case. I'm sure he'll survive one night. Tomorrow, I'll go down there myself-"

"No Gabriel I should go with you-"

"The moment you walk through those doors it'll go on your permanent record. If you want to come, you'll have to stay outside in the skycar. I'd be going there in a professional capacity, there'll be no repercussions for a legal advisor going to see his client – believe me Reuben, it's best for you if I sort this out by proxy. I'll contact you when it's taken care of. Just be warned, it'll probably be a hefty bail you'll need to lay out."

If it was possible, Governor Von Schleiker's face went redder with anger, "That good-for-nothing houzi de pigu! I'm going to flay him with my bare hands."

Gabriel smiled wanly, "Let me know how that turns out."

"I'll come around at about nine, and pick you up. I owe you one Gabriel."

"That you do Reuben." He agreed making to stand up.

"That boy of yours – Simon isn't it?

"Um…" Gabriel said uncertainly, "Yes?"

"Trauma surgeon in Capital City?"

"He was, last time I checked…"

"Good, I'll forward a recommendation to the Medical Elect by Friday."

Gabriel started again, "What? He's not eve-"

"No please," the Governor said bowing his head, "You take care of my son, I'll take care of yours. Besides, old McNamara's going to cark it one of these days and we need a bit of new blood on the board. Remember, nine o'clock."

The screen went blank and Gabriel blinked with disbelief, and half chuckled all the way back to his room. As he lay down, for some much needed shut eye, he reflected as his last thought of the day: _Thank God Simon never gets into this sort of trouble…_


	9. Part 8

**Part 8 – Simon's Ballerina**

_Examination Room 1.21, Capital City Hospital, Osiris_

_Whoa…_Simon thought the moment she walked into the examination room.

This morning he thought today was going to be like every other day, but it seemed the 'verse had thrown him a bone. And what a beautiful bone it was.

Her name was Nadine Pryor and just twenty minutes ago she had limped into the emergency room and right into the examination room where he was working.

Even though Simon was studying to be a surgeon, as work experience his resident had put him to the task of applying simple weaves, giving inoculations, stitching up wounds and cuts, and bandaging sprained joints and the like in the emergency room.

_"Interact with the patients Simon," Dr Li had lectured, "It's very different operating on someone's whose unconscious, to helping someone who's awake and very aware of the pain. It'll help you see your patients as humans…and you'll make better decisions in surgery."_

He wasn't particularly happy about it because he had been looking forward to doing some 'real work' but the moment he had set eyes on Nadine, with her fiery red hair, and twinkling blue eyes, and the most adorable sprinkling of freckles across her nose, he was ready to sing the praises of whatever deity that had brought her here.

Of course, because Simon was, what his friends kindly referred to him, 'a total backbirth' when it came to talking to the opposite sex, he did not manage more than a simple, "Could you please get up on the examination table?" and "I'm going to take a scan of your ankle now. Hold still please," before he faded into completely (how he justified it) 'professional' silence.

Simon set up the scanner, and as he was readying it to begin operation, when his 'professional silence' was unceremoniously broken by Nadine.

"So er…_Simon_," she said scanning his ID badge, "You're kinda of young…to be a doctor."

He looked at her uncertainly, "Oh I…er…I could get someone to verify-"

She let out a tinkling laugh which entranced Simon momentarily, "You're hilarious. I didn't know doctors had sense of humours."

"Why?" Simon said frowning.

"Because every other doctor I've ever met has been a complete and utter dullard. This including my father, my sister, my two uncles, and my second cousin Bertha." She nodded at Simon's raised eyebrows, "I know…crazy right? It's stuff like that which makes me absolutely certain I'm adopted."

"Oh…" Simon laughed weakly and then disintegrated into silence.

Nadine cocked her head to one side and regarded him carefully, "So…are you from Osiris originally?"

"Yes…" Simon nodded, "And you?"

Nadine shook her head and said proudly, "Sihnon born and bred."

"What are you doing over here?" Simon asked, as he brought the images up of her ankle up onto the screen and scanned them with a trained medical eye.

"I'm auditioning for the Osiris Dance Academy…" She replied and then seemed to deflate remembering her ankle, "Or I was going to anyway…"

Simon pressed a few more buttons on the controls, "When is it?"

"The audition? In two weeks time…not that it matters…does it?" she asked hopefully, trying to look at what he was writing down on his chart.

Simon looked up and smiled, "It does. There's nothing to worry about. You've only jarred it; I don't see any reason why you shouldn't make the audition."

"Oh! Merciful Buddah!" Nadine sighed with relief, "Are you sure?"

Simon nodded and put his chart away. He turned and began foraging through one of the cupboards, "Just keep off it for two days and by the weekend you should be able to start practice again. And I'm serious about that…" He began to unroll a stretch of pressure bandage, looking at her warningly, "…not even a demi-plié until Saturday. Dong ma?"

Nadine narrowed her eyes at Simon, laughing a little "How would a _doctor _know a word like that?"

Simon chuckled, shrugging, "My little sister's a dancer as well. I've been to enough recitals to…well…" Simon frowned, "Actually I don't know what."

Nadine giggled and she suddenly looked at Simon in a slightly different light. As he began to secure the bandage she asked, "How old is she?"

"Fourteen…"

"Fourteen…" sighed Nadine, "That's a lovely age to be." Simon gave her a funny look and she amended with a grimace, "Well apart from all those hormones and stuff…"

"Truth be told," Simon winced a tiny bit, and said "I'd rather not think about that…get's an older brother a bit nervous knowing that his sister's growing up…and you know…_boys_ and all that," drawing an amused chuckle from Nadine which made him feel all manner of extraordinary.

"Does she want to dance professionally?" Simon had now crossed the room and was rummaging through another cupboard, "I mean…if you're worried about _boys,_" Nadine rolled her eyes, "she'd probably be better off at the Dance Academy. Separate dormitories and separate classes. Plus, they keep the students so busy that there is hardly time for socialising." Nadine frowned, "Come to think of it…why in the 'verse do I want to go there?"

"I think she'd love to dance…" Simon said with real sincerity, "I've never seen her happier than when she's on stage."

"All ballerina's are show-offs at heart," Nadine smiled sagely, "It's the sign of a true devotee. After all, have you ever met a prima ballerina who wasn't a prima donna?"

Simon laughed, "I'll take your word for it."

His amusement seemed to die a bit, "Unfortunately, I don't think that's really possible…"

"Why?" Nadine said encouragingly, then she added quietly, "Isn't she…very good?"

It was frank. And blunt. And to the point. Something that Simon wasn't used to.

Simon bristled a bit, for a second, pretended he didn't hear her, and said while handing her a balm for her ankle "Rub this on it twice a day…it'll help ease the tension."

Seeming to sense his annoyance "Simon…" Nadine said "I didn't mean that like it sounded."

He looked at Nadine's face, and took in it's open, honest, countenance and realised she was actually interested in what he had to say. Again, something new for Simon who hadn't been exposed to any girls who weren't daughter's of his parents' friends who were only after him because he was a Tam (and was lucky enough to be blessed with the Tam good looks) or nurses who seemed to have something against newbie doctors.

Simon shook his head, "It's alright. I'm…it's just…she's…my sister's really gifted." He shrugged, gesturing with his hands broadly, "In everything. It's my parents…they want her to go to this…government run education institute."

"Wow…bet you've got to be higher than a Stream 6 to get into that!" whistled Nadine raising her eyebrows. Simon gave her a look and she rolled her eyes, "Not all of us can be stream 12s and become doctors Simon…there's gotta be someone to clean your house!"

Simon flushed and waved his hand apologetically, laughing a little he said, "I'm sorry…it's just uh…River's actually in the Grad Programme…"

"And she's fourteen!"

"Yeah…" Simon nodded wryly.

"Wow…she must really make you look like an idiot child."

Simon frowned, but ended up laughing, "And she can be a real brat about it too."

"Sounds like you two are close…"

Simon leaned against the table, and nodded, "We are…growing up, it was mostly just the two of us. My parents…well, they were always travelling or going to party's and that sort of thing. Oh, don't get the wrong impression, it's not like they don't care. It's just…they gave us what they thought we wanted…rather than…you know…the other thing. I mean…my dad's a good guy but...mother's a little less…" He winced, finding he couldn't think of the right word.

"So they don't like the idea of your sister being a dancer? I mean…it sounds like she could be the top of her game, in anything she wanted to do."

"Ha!" Simon laughed a little bitterly, "They're convinced my sister's going to perfect the science of instantaneous space travel. And I'm sure she could if she put her mind to it… I think they're worried she'd be wasted as a dancer." Seeing Nadine's affronted look, he quickly tried to save himself, "I mean – I didn't mean that dancers were waste…I mean uh…"

Nadine burst into laughter, "You are too cute." Looking coyly at him she said, "Do you wanna go out?"

Simon spluttered. Another thing Simon wasn't used to, was girls being so forward. The sort of girls he met in society were either so prim that they'd scream in horror if you so much as smiled at them, or were really brazen hussies on the inside, but pretending to coquettes on the outside. They'd bend and sway, and dance around until you finally just came out and asked them in hope that they'd just stop being so damn coy and then they'd act like they were surprised. The tittering Osiris debutante. They were like a special breed of girl that Simon didn't appreciate. Nadine on the other hand…

She was of quite another calibre. He decided that his parents would love her. Most of her family were doctors for God's sake! If that wasn't a signifier for the 'good blood' his parents were always hoping their son would some day bring home, her natural charm would be enough to persuade even his mother that Nadine was exactly the woman for him. Of course, Simon's thoughts turned a little dark, even if his parents had something to say about Nadine, he wouldn't care…he'd just-oh…

Simon realised that he still hadn't answered and Nadine was starting to look at him worriedly.

"Er…sorry…"

Nadine shrugged, "You don't have to-"

"No!"

"Oh…okay…I'll just-"

"No…I mean…" Simon flushed, "I mean I'd really like to go out with you."

Nadine smiled brightly and Simon was momentarily dazzled. "Good…here are my digits," she grabbed the pen out of his breast pocket and scrawled her number across the inside of his wrist. She replaced the pen and pinched his nose playfully, "Don't you dare NOT call me." And with that she floated out of the room, leaving Simon dazed…but delightfully so.

_A/N: Not at all important to the story...just inspired by Kaylee's comment about Simon and his 'debutantes'. Anyway, who needs an excuse to write about Simon? He's so shuai...oh, and I got that 'digits' thing from a movie, though I forget which one...reviews plz...xie xie. _


	10. Part 9

**Part 9 – Mother Knows Best**

_2499AD_

"_Big boys don't cry Simon..." Reagan soothed as she held her five year old son in her arms, while kneeling on the floor in the very same spot, where she had found him not ten minutes ago, crying like his little heart was breaking._

_Ignoring his mother resolutely, Simon sniffed loudly in defiance and wiped his nose on his sleeve, despite his mother's hurried insistence of pushing a tissue into his hand. _

"_Don't do that sweetie..." she scolded even as she pushed his hair off his forehead and kissed it, "It isn't nice manners..."_

"_I hate him..."_

_Reagan grimaced, "You don't mean that."_

"_I do! I hate him!" Simon bounced up angrily in her arms, "He's mean!"_

_Reagan shushed him and wondered with disbelief at the way her usually well-behaved son was taking the first harsh word he had ever gotten from his father. The day Reagan told her husband that they were going to have a son, was the finest day of Gabriel Tam's life. What greater gift could a wife have given, to a husband who wore his noble lineage like a badge of honour, than to present him with a healthy son and heir, to carry on that proud family name?_

_Gabriel might have been called, at worst, an indulgent father. He simply adored Simon and tended not to deny him anything which was within his power. As a consequence, he allowed his son the greatest freedom in most things, but Simon's little foray into Gabriel's office had caused such damage to his source box that Gabriel had lost all patience and shocked Simon (who was by all accounts the most resilient of children) into actual tears. _

_And now, here Reagan was, cleaning up the messy aftermath of the first father-son battle. _

"_Your father loves you Simon..." she spoke into his hair, as he clung to her in a way which he had never done so before, " Now, how can I make you happy again darling?" she pulled him away from her a little and said with a cajoling grin, "How about we go get an ice planet?"_

_Simon pressed his hot little cheek against her cooler one and whispered gratefully into her ear, "I love you mummy."_

_If Reagan had known it was the last time she would hear it from him, she might have paid more attention. _

_

* * *

_

_2514AD_

The wave came just as she was about to turn in for the evening. Reagan was sitting at her dressing table, wiping off the make up that she put on without fail every morning, since she was sixteen. It wasn't that she was particularly uncomfortable with how she looked without it, after all, people had been telling her since she was a girl that she was good-looking. And even though time had not left her untouched, sans powder and lipstick, Reagan knew, that she was still a handsome woman.

Someone less discerning (or a great deal more jealous) might have said that Reagan was a conceited and vain in her looks. But as far as she was concerned, she had every good reason in the world to be proud of how she looked. At a very young age she had understood the power she wielded – being nice to look at and charming had many advantages – and if you were smart, Reagan knew you could get anything you wanted with a careful choice of words.

Reagan liked to think that that was how she caught Gabriel. Wooed him and seduced him with witty banter and subtle workings of her eyes. But if she was honest with herself she knew it wasn't all true. Of course, she had power over him. She made him do what any man in love might do for the woman of his dreams. But he had also cast a spell over her. Reagan had not spoken to him ten minutes before she knew she was going to fall for him. She wasn't sure that she was going to marry him. Her mother had told her after all, that one didn't always marry the love of one's life. And if nothing else, Gabriel was going to be the love of her life. She had resisted at first, but their first kiss had been like the kiss of death. It had thrown her into a swoon (figuratively speaking) and she thought that she would never recover from it.

Of course, she had.

And now, here she was. all alone in the eerily quiet Tam house, staring at her crows feet with mild disdain, with only the muffled sound of Mrs Mavel watching her favourite soap opera for company, while her husband languished and wasted money with his Tall Card buddies at his club. She started with horror as she studied her reflection critically in the mirror, upon seeing that she had developed a freckle (something apparently impossible as she was hardly 'one for the sun'), and was wondering how she might get her beautician to remove it, when the beep of her telefonix screen had pulled her out of her reverie.

She contemplated not answering it. She wasn't really in the mood to talk to anyone tonight. But before she could decide, the shuffling footstep of Mrs Mavel coming towards her room told her that the woman had already answered it.

"Madam? It's Master Simon..." Mrs Mavel gave the door a cursory tap as she walked in, "He's looking for Mr Tam."

Reagan blinked. She had honestly expected it to be one of her friends, calling to pass one some salacious piece of gossip about someone having an affair, or someone getting 'work done' on some sordid part of their body.

"Mr Tam's not in. Just tell..." Reagan grimaced, seeing the frown come to Mrs Mavel's face and felt (much to her annoyance) slightly guilty. She had, after the fight with Gabriel, decided that she might call Simon just to check up on him. But after reconsidering, she decided since she had nothing to say, that it would be pointless to bother him. However, with that accusatory look in Mrs Mavel eye, Reagan couldn't help but feel the pang of inadequacy: _you're his mother, why won't you even see him? _they seemed to say.

"I'll just take it in here..." she said in a quiet dignified voice and turned dismissively from Mrs Mavel.

"Of course madam." Mrs Mavel twaddled out, and a moment later Simon's face appeared on the vid screen.

"Mother!" the surprise registered all over his face, "I...I was looking for dad."

Quite instantly all feelings of guilt immediately melted away and made room for hot resentment.

"He's at his club." She said shortly, not smiling at him.

"Of course, I forgot it's Sunday..." Simon's eyes went elsewhere for a moment, before he returned and said, "Can I talk to River then?"

It was like a slap in the face. He hadn't even taken a moment to ask 'ni hao ma?' to his own mother. She raised an unimpressed eyebrow and said that River also, was not at home.

"She's at a dress rehearsal. You should call tomorrow if you want to talk to her. If she gets in late, I don't want _you_ to keep her up talking. She needs her rest." Sure, it was a cheap shot using River as ammo, but really, Reagan couldn't help feeling that this was all she had against him.

"I see." He looked at her in a way which put her in mind so much of Gabriel that she felt like slapping it right off his handsome face.

"Yes," she agreed nodding tersely.

There was a tense silence. Neither was willing to speak. Or maybe they were both waiting for the other to attack first.

"You're looking well." Simon nodded after the momentary lull, "How are things?"

She snorted and gave him a look, "Do you really care?"

"Of course I do mother," came the slick reply, with the mildest of smiles, "How could you think otherwise?"

A whispery laugh escaped Reagan, as she was quick to spot that this demure front merely hid the fangs, which were liable to sink in the moment she wasn't looking. Her poor son, Reagan thought with a smile matching his, had she really rubbed off on him that much?

It was strange for her to think that it could have happened like that. Even if he didn't really seem too happy about the idea that he had indeed 'spawned from her' (and spawn would probably by the right word in Simon's view of his mother), Reagan at times saw little bits of herself, the favourite bits of herself in Simon. Of course, this was not very often as there was more of Gabriel in him, that sense of honour, the slight discomfort at large parties, the nobility and the way he loved with all his heart but only where he knew it was worthwhile – that was vintage Gabriel. But his dark, deadpan sense of humour, the barbed comments which stung before the victim had time to realise, and the look that accompanied them? They were pure Reagan Tam. Or perhaps, she reflected glumly, maybe _those_ were saved only for her honour.

"Things are fine…" Reagan answered at first and then reconsidering, "Well, for the most part at least. River had her interview at the Academy last week. It went well I think…but she's being very foolish about it all."

Simon frowned, his archness gone, "Why? What's wrong?"

"It's of no consequence…" Reagan said dismissively "she'll come around to it in the end."

Simon pursed his lips, "What does dad have to say about this?"

Reagan almost groaned outloud and wanted desperately hit her head repeatedly against the screen. There it was - the customary question whenever it came to these things.

_What does dad think? Surely his opinion of these things are more reasonable!_

It was enough to drive a woman insane.

Reagan sighed quietly and took a moment just to appreciate the face that was looking at her with a sort of barely tolerant patience. Maybe, Reagan thought bitterly, he had seen as much of himself in her, as she had seen herself in him and he didn't like it.

Reagan sometimes felt like Simon wasn't hers. He was very much his father's son – and he didn't love her like he loved his father. It seemed the same case with both of their children. River was marginally better than her brother. But she had never seemed at ease in her mother's presence, and tended to treat her with a polite sort of caution. Simon on the other hand seemed almost to despise her at times. It pained her to think she had let it go that far, since she had never intended to do it in the first place.

When he was younger, Gabriel hushed her worries. He was just a young man, spreading his wings, wanting to rebel, acting out against the one real figure of authority in his life. And so, she did what every desperate mother did. She threw money at him, buying his dedicated source boxes even when his father forbade it, let him out of the house even when his father had grounded him. She did it carelessly, like she didn't care. In a way, she really didn't. With Simon learning to resent her for not being 'a mother' he didn't have to take the trouble of loving her. That was the way it was supposed to be, Reagan thought, it was only fair. She loved him in her own way, but she just couldn't seem to love their children the way Gabriel did. She had seen women made slaves of love, given up wholly to the wolves of family and motherhood. Perhaps they were happier that way, but it was just not in the nature of Reagan Tam, to be a slave in any sense of the word.

Now, at twenty-one Simon hardly spoke to his mother. The kiss he put on her cheek when he came home for the holidays was cursory. His questions after her health, habitual. Very different from the warm handshake he shared with his father or the loving hug he gave his sister. It seemed now, that he was no longer living under her roof; he wanted nothing more to do with her.

Reagan wondered if she had let him go too early perhaps. His hurts might have been marginally less if she had kept him close a little longer. But she had disdained turning him into a mummy's boy. She detested puppies like that. She saw that so much amongst her generation. Forty year old men who couldn't close the bedroom door without asking their mother's approval. She hated the idea of her son being attached to her like that.

So when he left for medical school she hadn't wept overly much.

"_I'm so very proud of you my sweet," she had said touching his face like he was still a child. He didn't like it, but he tolerated it._

_She always talked down to him like that. She was able to rule his father, but there was something stronger Simon which made Gabriel dwarf beside him. A force of genius in him which made Gabriel seemed ineffectual – asserting her dominance was the only way Reagan kept from losing the tenuous hold she had over her son, - she knew he would resent her for it, for the rest of his life. _

_She smiled, "Do keep in touch."_

"_Take care of River, mother…" Simon said pulling her hand away from his face and squeezing it so that she wouldn't think he was throwing it away, even though she was completely aware that he was and she was sure he was too in his own way, "I don't think father's quite up to it…she needs to be taken care of."_

_Reagan knew exactly what this cryptic sentence meant and she realised then how much of his trust and love she had lost. This dressing down of his father's ability to keep up with his daughter she knew was not disrespectful. It was observant and the truth, and borne out of love for his sister. She knew he respected his father deeply and so she took this in the spirit it was meant – as a warning…to her to keep her claws out of River, while he was away, since his father would not be able to stop her. _

"_Of course Simon," she said lightly, sharing a look with him which spoke volumes more than her words, "Don't dawdle, you'll miss your shuttle." And she had practically pushed him out the door._

Reagan looked at the boy – the man now, she supposed – who was apparently her son; and wondered what it might've been like if she had let him love her.

"He's very enthusiastic to have her go as well. He thinks it'll be good for her," she laughed at bit at his look of surprise, "Don't be so shocked Simon! Your father and I do agree sometimes…you and me on the other hand…" she smiled in a way which might have been regretful, "We never quite saw eye to eye did we?"

"No mother..." He smirked, and cast his eyes down for a moment, raising them again a moment later, "But I still love you."

His smile was cajoling and boyish, like he was nudging her knowingly and sharing a joke. But she sure as hell wasn't laughing. These words may have been designed to fill a mother's heart, but Reagan knew better, by the light in his eyes.

They were an empty consolation.

_I still love you...because I have to...even though you're a heartless bitch and I despise everything you stand for._

And that was that.

Reagan felt the regret rise in her throat like bile but swallowed it down promptly. Things were as they were, and they could not be changed. She had made a mistake, and now she was paying for it. This is what she deserved.

If you had looked at her now, it would be as if she were made of stone. Cold, implacable marble – lifeless and imposing. But beneath the surface turmoil reigns supreme. Apologies, love, confessions. Reagan forced down the words that threatened to spill forth like her tears. Instead, she plastered a grey, melancholy smile to her face and said quietly...

"I know you do Simon," and she signed off.

* * *

A/N: Apologies for any general 'crappiness' of these next few chapters – for some reason they were a lot harder to write than the previous chapters. If you wanna send hate mail 'cos you think I suck...well...you can always review cos: REVIEWS AND COMMENTS ARE SHINY! (even if they hurt) 


	11. Part 10 Section 1

**Part 10.1 – Stars**

Once, when River was a tiny girl; her parents took her and Simon to Ariel. It was the first time she had ever been off-world and she couldn't have been more excited. She had spent the entire journey, with her little hands and face plastered to the window, staring out into the Black and wondering what the stars were saying to each other. She had asked Simon (who was looking just a tad nervous about the whole thing) if he could see a pattern in their winks, but he had told her to be quiet and go away.

On Ariel, they shopped at the Triplex, went to the zoo and saw the flamingos – pink and comical standing on one leg, and mummy even deigned to have a picnic outside (of course, only on the condition that there would be a table, table cloth, comfortable chairs, caterers and serving staff).

But the one thing that made sure River would never forget was the night her parents took her to watch the ballet. Simon had been bored stiff, but River was rapturous with admiration. The prima ballerina was an angel. River saw Giselle dancing and forever wanted to become her. She wanted to be that girl, that beautiful glittering star, dancing free and light across the stage, bringing a glow into people's eyes and making their hearts pound.

"_Mummy...daddy I wanna learn!" she had enthused after the show. _

_Daddy picked up his little princess and smiled, "You want to be a ballerina River?"_

_She nodded enthusiastically. _

_Daddy turned to Mummy, "Well Reagan?"_

"_Mummy! Mummy let me dance!" River pleaded loudly. _

_A cold, quelling look was all River got in the way of an answer, as her hopes were trodden underfoot by a pair of dark blue heels. _

So, imagine her astonishment when she woke up the next morning and discovered a beautiful pair of ballet slippers waiting for her at the foot of the bed.

* * *

Notes:

1. _Firefly Episode: "Shindig"_ – where River takes a moment to appreciate the FLAMINGOS on Badger's lapel.


	12. Part 10 Section 2

**Part 10.2 – Marionette **

She doesn't know how to describe it. For all her brilliance, River can't think of how to put it into words. How can you describe to a mortal, what it feels like to be a god? Nothing translates because it simply can't be quantified.

River feels the power of her form and she loves it. To feel her muscles contract and stretch, she's aware of very turn of her ankle, every flutter of her wrist and she feels like she is invincible.

She can't think too much, because she feels everything. Revels in lights as she flies across the studio floor. Her reflection repeats itself over and over again, all around the room the mirrors echo with her. She goes on forever. She doesn't stop. She doesn't have to be anywhere but here, and there, and everywhere.

She feels the strain in every part of her body, the sweat on her forehead, and her heart working hard – but she loves seeing how easy she makes it look. River's not vain but being beautiful and being the best, can turn anyone's head. Contentment, is knowing there is nothing more you can want for– and how can you want for more when you are all?

But not today. Because today everything goes wrong. She was dancing automatically. She didn't feel anything but tired and tense.

Her partner lifts her up and suddenly she feels like she's going to fall and break her neck. She falters, straining herself and Harvey practically growls at her as he struggles not to drop her.

"River!" Madam Galina bellows to River's left "Where is your focus!"

Elevate. Extend. Collapse.

"Make me believe you River, I cannot see your emotions!"

The heat is overwhelming. Too many bodies in too cramped a room without even a cracked window. Suddenly it all seemed so small. The studio. Her toe shoes. The boy she is dancing with. Madam Galina's frail arms.

Breathe River, just breathe...

River leans in for the turn but she doesn't quite hold and to her astonishment she slips. She continues as if she hasn't noticed but she can feel herself shaking. She's praying for the music to end so she can leave.

"You're trying too hard, release your centre!" Madam Galina's command was like the crack of the whip. River winces.

Up. Stretch. Down. Dip.

A perfect pirouette, not even the tiniest hint of a falter. But things are spinning too fast.

"Where is the _feeling_ River!" Madam Galina flared angrily, "Are you even listening to me!"

River blocks out her voice. It doesn't matter what Madam says. Today she's powerless. So she just goes through the motions, she stops trying and while her technique is flawless, her eyes are dead. She lashes out wildly just because she can, Madam Galina gasps at her flippancy.She sees Harvey, her partner's angry, frustrated face but she doesn't care.

And finally, the conclusion...

River feels her body relax with relief as soon as the music stops. River closes her eyes and put a hand to her head. She's never felt this awful after a dance rehearsal before. The others buzz, like irritating bees around her as they gather towards their Queen.

"Now everyone," Madam Galina says, her voice sharp and accented, and from another place that River has never seen, "I want you all to go home and relax. I don't wish for any injuries to occur in the next two days. Thank you for your hard work," Madam Galina seems to look at River as she says this, but River's not sure. Madam Galina's eagle eyes brush over every student before she announces, "You are dismissed."

The students bow and curtsey to Madam Galina and begin to file out of the room.

River looks around the room and wonders, was her heart in it anymore? She's been perfect for so long, she has forgotten the times when things didn't go right. She felt pulled and strained, like she had been a dancing puppet on a string. Contorted at the hands of a cruel puppet-master who didn't realise the pain he was causing her. Suddenly she just wants to hurl her toe shoes at the mirrors and scream until they all shatter.

However, a hand on her shoulder stops her from doing just that.

"Hey hon," the soft voice is that of Xiaoyun, one year older than River and dancing as one of the _wilis _in Giselle, her dark eyes smile to River, "Don't worry about Madam Galina...you're just having an off day."

River can only grimace.

Xiaoyun kissed her cheek kindly and gave her a little hug, "Come on out with me and Jacks," she waggled her eyebrows, "we're gonna go to the Dome to check out those really hot twins who are selling tickets."

River snorted, "No thanks...I think I'll pass on the perverted spying."

Xiaoyun shrugged, "Suit yourself," she grabbed River's hand and squeezed it, "Seriously Riv...don't beat yourself up about this, dong ma? You'll be great."

River gave her a reassuring smile and released her hand. When she had gone River sighed, and bundling her things together made towards the changeroom. However, before she got there, Madam Galina appeared seemingly out of nowhere and took her aside.

"River, is anything the matter?"

"No Madam..."

"Are not well?"

"I'm fine Madam..."

Madam Galina regards River intently and frowns.

Technically, River's dancing was flawless. She made it look effortlessly graceful, like she was floating in some dream and the emotion conveyed on her face when she performed sometimes moved Madam Galina to the point of tears.

But today, her movements had been mechanical. Perfect for the most part, but lifeless. It was as if the light had gone out of her.

"River...I know you cannot understand these feelings of Giselle. You are fourteen...you cannot have known love like this yet. But you have to imagine River...you have to imagine longing...and desire, you have to pretend you love him. You have to feel like you would to die for love...this is what Giselle does."

"She's goes mad because some houzi de pigu betrays her! That's not love if you ask me!" River snaps, immediately regretting her loss of control "I'm sorry Madam...I..." she shakes her head.

"It's alright..." Madam Galina touches River's shoulder, "I know I've been pushing you very hard. I'm sorry...but I see such brilliance in you River. Your only fault is that you don't let yourself be given up to it. A dancer...when she dances she becomes something else. She's no longer human; no longer herself. She's a piece of art. A beautiful, functioning spectacle. When you dance Giselle...you _are _Giselle. You must forget River Tam exists."

Instead of making River feel better, Madam Galina's words chill her. She cannot think of anything worse. Losing herself like that. Giving herself up to something that she can't see. Sometimes acting is fun, but now, River feels like the only thing she has is her knowledge of who she is. And here is this woman is telling her to forget.

"Yes Madam." Is all the answer she gives.

Madam Galina is not satisfied but she nods, "Go home and rest yourself. Absolutely nothing more than stretching until the recital, understand me?"

"Yes Madam." River curtseys respectfully leaves Madam Galina standing in the hall alone.

River enters through sliding doors which open up into the antechamber, where there are two doors of the separate change rooms. She reaches out for the handle of the girls change rooms but before she can enter, a large hand clamps over hers and stops her.

"What are you doing!" River snapped spinning around.

Harvey raised an eyebrow, a look of annoyance plastered on his face "You danced like crap today."

"Go to hell!" River said without missing a beat glaring at him heavily.

"You know I'm right. That wasn't Giselle...that was River Tam; the newest variety of porcelain doll in a tutu." He said evidently disgusted, "Get your act together."

"What is your problem?"

"My problem...is that even though you're the youngest in the class, Madam Galina made you my pas de deux partner because she thinks you're the best and today you completely threw that out the window. There will be some very important people at this show, people whose opinion are going to have a say over the rest of my career-"

"As a pole dancer?" River asked eyeing him innocently.

"I mean it Tam..." Harvey growled, "I need to be perfect...and I need _you _to be perfect."

"You're the one who is on show _not me."_

"You know as well as I do, that you are only as good as your pas de deux partner, Tam. Look, I don't give a damn if your daddy didn't buy you that horsie you wanted for your birthday – stop acting like a child and do your job."

Her eyes flashed dangerously, her whole body tensed as a whole week of little irritations and annoyances combined and generated a huge ball of energy which she was ready to unleash, "Liu kou shui de biao zi he houzi de ben erzi! You have absolutely no idea-" her voice rung menacingly, and then she let lose a long and comprehensively described list of things Harvey could do to end his life (in the process doing the rest of the 'verse a gorram favour), and finished up her epic speech (delivered at times in mandarin which would have caused her mother to expire on the spot) with a pungent criticism of the foolishness of his ancestors whose fault it was for his very existence which had been universally agreed upon as being the worst mistake in the history of the 'verse.

She was about to further explain what she was going to do to him if he didn't get out of her way, but Harvey shocked her into silence and stemmed her rant by calmly putting a hand to her lips.

River started. His fingers were so warm against her cold skin.

"There," Harvey said his eyes glowing strangely, his voice quietened into a serious, almost desperate whisper, "Where was _that_ passion tonight?" River was momentarily stunned. He pinched her chin, "This is tragedy Tam...they have to see the tears in your eyes. You have so much potential...you've just got to commit to it."

She growled, pushing his hand away, "You wouldn't even make it as a pole dancer! Who the hell would want to see you run around tiny shorts?"

"There's no call to be so mean Tam," he said sagely, winking at her in the most outrageous way "You're much too pretty to be so angry."

Oh, that the boy had more sense.

He eyed River who had gone very still and said with a smile, "Why don't we ju-AH!"

River never knew the sound of flesh on flesh slapping together like that could be so satisfying. Harvey held his cheek and looked at River as if she had just hit him...which of course, she had just done.

"Enough _passion_ for you, you houzi de pigu?" she sneered before picking up her things and walking out with all the dignity of a queen.

* * *

Notes: 

1. _Angel Episode: "Waiting in the Wings"_ – where Summer plays the prima ballerina in the ballet 'Giselle'. If you haven't seen it, you should 'cos it's a very cool episode.

2. I'm sorry that subtlety is not my forte...hence the overexaggeration of well...everthing...apologies for my crapness.

3. Translations: (a) Liu kou shui de biao zi he houzi de ben erzi: Stupid son of a drooling whore and a monkey ("Safe") (b) Houzi de pigu: monkey butt (I think?)


	13. Part 10 Section 3

**Part 10.3 – Just Laugh**

"Mary Mother of God," Leia said crossing herself, "That was intense. I thought she was going to kill him!"

"Wo de tian a!" the door opened and Harvey looked with horror at the small group of people he realised had been in standing outside the changeroom and had overheard the whole exchange, "You guys were here the whole time!"

They ignored him roundly.

"You know," said Chen looking a little stricken, "I actually blushed when she said that thing about his tights. Phew..." Chen shuddered, "Talk about uncomfortable."

"And I didn't see it, but that slap sounded impressive...oh look, you've got a little River hand stamp on your face now," Leia said with interest in her voice poking Harvey's reddened cheek. "We should take pictures..."

Harvey huffed, and brushed Leia off, "Stop it."

"Well Harvey, as far as I'm concerned you deserved it." Xiaoyun said nodding, "Serves you right for being such a patronising jerk!"

"Thank you so much Xiaoyun..." Harvey said rolling his eyes.

"Who knew that there was so much air in one little girl? I don't think she drew breath – once!" Gawain enthused, "You were seriously_ told _Harvey."

Harvey growled with annoyance and stalked off.

"You guys..." Chen said after Harvey had disappeared, "I think he's in love."


	14. Part 11

_Author's Note: REVIEW please!_

**Part 11 – The Wonders of Sake**

"I can't believe those guys are your friends Simon!" Nadine exclaimed, pulling off her coat and throwing it on the floor as they entered Simon's apartment, "That party was crazy!"

"Yeah...West and Jerrod hold the best parties..." he chuckled, "Whoops!"

"Hey now!" Nadine laughed as she helped a slightly more-than-tipsy Simon to his feet, "You should learn to hold your liquor young man. It's not seemly for a doctor to behave this way."

"The evils of sake..." he muttered, then suddenly burst into laughter again, "Did I tell you that story Naddy?" He went flying as he foot caught on a piece of furniture almost taking Nadine with him. "Ooohh..." he groaned quietly.

"Don't call me Naddy, Simon..." she tutted trying to help him up, "And no, you never did tell me that story."

"It's very interesting..." he said putting an arm around her for support as she half dragged him to his room, "It involves a statue of Hip-hip-hipocrates, a jolly sing-a-long and...well..." he lowered his voice into what he thought was a whisper, "not so many clothes."

He picked fruitlessly at the buttons his shirt and gave up immediately, before flopping onto his bed. Nadine squealed as he pulled her down and into his arms as well, "That's better..." he said satisfied and kissed her.

"You should tell me that story one day." Nadine giggled as she stretched out languidly on Simon's bed. "So, what are we going to do tomorrow?"

"Can't...sorry," Simon shook his head, "I've got to work."

"How about Friday then?"

"I've got to go to Ariel...Dr Li's sending me for this...thing..." he says a little absently, nodding his head. "I'm free Thurday night though..." he added as an afterthought.

"Oh okay," Nadine said demurely and snuggled into his shoulder.

After a moment of silence Simon "I wish we could stay like this forever."

"Shenme?"

He turned his slightly unfocused eyes on her, and blinked without saying anything.

Nadine took a breath, "Look...Simon I've been meaning to talk to you."

"Nadine I-"

"No Simon, please...let me say what I have to...Now, I've been... I was going to tell you earlier but I was waiting for the right moment."

"...think you're..."

"Simon! Come on!" She rolled her eyes, "As I was saying, I've got something very important I need to talk to you about. Since the right moment never comes when one needs it I...well Simon I've-"

"...so pretty..."

"Had a respon-what?" Nadine suddenly stopped, and raised her head, "Simon..." she raised her voice, whilst prodding his unmoving form, "Simon?"

Grunt. Murmur. Grunt.

Nadine blinked with surprise. The man had fallen asleep!

Had he just...

_Nadine I think you're so pretty..._

Oh...he had...

...Nadine smiled; looking down at Simon tenderly, she brushed his hair from his forehead.

_I wonder if he knows he snores..._


	15. Part 12

**Part 12 –The Scent of Roses**

River awoke the next morning, reeling with the realisation of what she had done. Okay, fine, so it wasn't a world-shattering catastrophe, but the remorse was unforgiving.

_Enough passion for you, you houzi de pigu!_

River groaned and hid her face in her hands. What had possessed her to do such a thing! River wasn't sorry she had given Harvey exactly what he'd been asking for, but she wasn't a violent person by nature and the look of utter shock in his eyes, though it made her laugh at first, immediately filled her with feelings of shame. She wasn't an untamed ape! He might have been acting like a total jerk but did this mean she had to sink to his level? Oh this was too humiliating...

"Good morning River."

A voice makes River jump, and she spins around in her seat to see her mother standing at the doorway of her bedroom. Reagan looks beautiful this morning. Fresh faced, long hair like auburn waves around her shoulders, and dressed in a pale lime silk dressing robe decorated with melancholy white lilies. But the sight of her fills River with dread. Recollections remind her that Harvey's mother is fiercely protective of her son and since there's no doubt he has laid it all infront of her, River surmises that she's about to get the grounding of the year.

"Mummy..." River smiles slightly, but she wishes she had remembered to lock her door.

"Can I come in?"

_No you can't..._

"O-of course…is there something wrong mummy?"

"No darling...I just wanted to talk to you…"

River's eyes widen momentarily with surprise, and then narrow slightly with suspicion. Firstly, her mother is usually not out of bed until at least ten o'clock and secondly, since when did mummy ever 'just want to talk'?

Reagan walked over to River and took the brush out of her hands, "Let me do that…"

River does as she is told. She draws her legs up and pulls her skirt over her knees like the way she's been taught. Mummy hates sloppy posture.

"Remember when you were a little girl? I use to brush your hair every morning…a hundred strokes," she laughs, but the sound is not welcoming to River's ears, in fact they make River shudder, "How you hated it."

River doesn't tell her that she still hates it. She couldn't possibly. She shudders to think about the outcome to talking back to this woman might be. She suddenly realises her mother is staring at her in the mirror. As if Reagan senses her daughter's thoughts she puts the brush down, "But you're not a little girl anymore…"

River stiffens when her mother takes her hand and holds it while the other one traces lines on her face. Suddenly she's aware of every minutiae of the moment. The light on her mother's face, the blood red glint of her hails, the cat like grace and the tiny movement of her lips.

"You are very lovely…" Mrs Tam said, reflectively, rather than lovingly, "If only I were half as beautiful when I was your age. Think of what I might've been."

Reagan Tam is unaware of how callous she sounds. River blinks rapidly feeling stung and annoyed, and looks down at her folded hands.

"Oh no," Again her mother's hand were on her face, but this time pushing her chin up,

"That won't do River. You have no call for modesty. You're a Tam, and a beauty… bowing your head, as if you're ashamed of something, simply won't do."

River swallowed convulsively, but her eyes are still downcast. She can't bear to look at her mother. Mummy always had that effect on people – looking at them, like she could see through them. River feels like she's being burnt slowly from the inside out.

"Your father won't be home until tonight so it's just us two today." Fingers still tracing, "Do you feel like going shopping with me? The Cambersons are throwing a party in honour of their new granddaughter and I think they're expecting everyone to bring presents..."

River dared to lift her eyes up slowly.

"How about we get you something pretty to wear? It's been awhile since we bought you anything new..." Mrs Tam says rather vaguely.

"Alright..." River says softly.

"Good, we'll leave after lunch..." Reagan draws her hand away from River's cheek and places it over River's clasped one in her lap.

She is silent and River fidgets uncomfortably, feeling like her mother's got something else to say.

Reagan purses her lips. River braces herself. Here it comes...

"Have you given anymore thought about the Academy?"

River frowned and didn't answer.

"When your father waved me last night he said he'd had a talk with you. Did he?"

River nodded.

Mrs Tam drew her hand away like she'd been burnt, "And what did you tell him?" suddenly her voice had taken on a slightly desperate quality.

River tried not to make a face, and answered shortly, "I said I would think about it."

"What is there to think about…poppet?" Mrs Tam asks, cocking her head to the side, "Hm…darling? It's an excellent opportunity."

"I…I've never been away from home before."

"All the more reason. You'll have to learn to face the real world some day. We won't be here forever to take the brunt of it for you…hmmm…sweetheart?"

"But mummy…I'd miss…" a tiny crease mars her expression, and she bites her lip.

"It's only for awhile dearest…it won't be forever," River wonders why her mother smiles when she says this.

She pinched River's chin and put her face so close that River can smell the perfume of her skin, roses. "You're more than gifted…my darling. You're a gift...a prize for any mother who truly deserved it. I deserved the best…and you are simple the best."

River feels the fragmentation and winces. The contradictions, the mixed emotions rolling around are making her dizzy. There's love, mixed with resentment. Admiration mixed in with an indescribably, almost inexplicable loathing. And fear. Lots of fear.

"I mean…" Reagan seemed to start and recalled herself, "I want the best for you, and only the best."

River sees it all.

Reagan Tam might have been a star, but she was plucked from the sky against her will and captured in a dark blue pouch. Mummy still shines but it's duller now. Not like…before.

River tries to make sense of the abstract image floating around in her mind - But the scent of roses is too strong, and her mother's eyes are so bright that River doesn't know where it finishes or even where it begins…

"I'm not sure mummy…" she shrugs, and then says after a pause "I do want to make you proud."

"Then my sweet honey…do us all proud by accomplishing good results at the Academy. I want you to become the best you can be, and that is exactly what that place is about."

There's a paused. A pregnant silence. River breathes.

"Won't you miss me?"

The natural caution in River, born of growing up in a house where children were required to be 'rational' creatures, liquefies as River appeals to a mother who she might honestly adore.

The words are not childish, but almost urgent in their utterance. River lifts eyes to face her mother's straight on. She's stronger now. Because she's angry, and she thinks there won't be another chance.

But years of being Reagan Tam's daughter told River that mummy hated being clung to. Sometimes she wished she could distance herself like Simon, cut the cord and fly away from her. But she can't, because she wants her mother to love her. Sometimes it disgusts her, this begging for her mother's love – like a dumb dog who comes back even when it's master whips it.

She sees the candour of her question throws her mother off balance and she feels a tiny thrill of triumph.

"I…" Reagan stammers, "My darling, as if I would ever send you away forcibly!"

The answer doesn't match the question. Mother's tone has changed now. She half lying, half truth. The cunning oozes from her. River feels it. Confusion tastes bitter on River's tongue and she breathes out anger.

Mrs Tam drew back from her daughter and stood gracefully. River watched her walk towards the door without saying anything. River thinks they've finished. But just as Mrs Tam is going to cross the threshold, she stops, holding herself up against the doorframe, as if she needs to rest.

"Make me happy River…" she says over her shoulder, before she left, "I deserve that at least."


	16. Part 13

**Part 13 – First Impressions**

"Hey dad, is River around?"

Gabriel shook his head at the vid screen, "You just missed her. She left for her recital half an hour ago. Was it something important?"

"No...I just...how's she doing?"

"She's doing fine. She was a little nervous before, but I'm sure she'll be fine once she gets out there."

"Tell her I'm sorry that I can't be there will you? It's just work..."

"I'll tell her but I'm sure she knows it Simon." Gabriel said smiling reassuringly.

Simon nodded slowly, "Hopefully. Um...has she said anything about the Academy?"

"Nothing particularly important no...we're still weighing up her options. I think it would be good for her to go though, but of course she'll make the decision that is best for her."

Simon smiled, "Yes, of course..."

Gabriel frowned a little bit at his son's manner but decided to dismiss it. _He is probably just working himself too hard. _

"So...how are you? Are they keeping you busy?"

Simon nodded, "They are actually. Dr Li's got me on this project-"

"Hey Simon, you got anymore...oh, sorry I didn't know you were talking to someone."

Gabriel doesn't quite believe his eyes.

At the corner of the screen, just to the right of Simon's head, a comely young lady with a riot of red hair has just stepped out, wearing only, what seemed to Gabriel to be one of his son's shirts. Gabriel gave Simon a warm glance of understanding and smiled widely at the grand flush that had appeared on Simon's cheeks.

"Hello young lady..." Gabriel said smoothly, pretending not to notice her state of dress (or lack thereof) and Simon's distress, "Simon? Will you remember your manners and introduce us please?" He said with a light voice.

"Oh...oh yes," Simon tugged nervously on his vest and stammered, "D-dad this is Nadine Pryor, Nadine this is my father," he gulped convulsively, "Gabriel Tam."

"Nin hao, Mr Tam," Nadine said, waving into the camera.

"A pleasure to meet you Nadine, but please, call me Gabriel."

"I'll make a point of it," she replied cheerfully giving Simon a discreet wink.

"So...are you a nurse at the Hospital?"

"Oh no, I'm a dancer," at this Gabriel shot his son an impressed glance which made poor Simon want to melt right then and there of embarrassment and shame. Nadine continued apparently unaware of the little exchange "But my father and my sister are doctors..."

"Fascinating," Gabriel said sincerely, "So are you-"

"Um, did you want to ask me something Nadine?" Simon interjected, much to his father's amusement.

Nadine look slightly scandalised, "Simon...!" she said giving him a pointed look.

Gabriel waved her off "No please Nadine ...don't let me keep you. You were going to ask Simon something?"

"Oh...well..." Nadine turned her eyes to Simon, "...do you have anymore chocolate sauce? We finished the one that was in the fridge. I've got this weird craving for strawberries and chocolate."

Gabriel was suddenly seized with a coughing fit which made his son have to control his impulse to roll his eyes.

"Oh, are you alright Mr Tam?" Nadine said with real concern.

"Fine," he whispered covering his mouth, "Just fine..."

Simon made a face and said in a quiet voice "Um yeah...should be another one in the pantry."

"Oh okay," Nadine looked at Gabriel and waved "It was nice meeting you Gabriel."

"Good bye Nadine..."

When she had gone, Gabriel looked at his embarrassed son with a great deal of seriousness even though his eyes were overflowing with mirth, "Quite a project you've got there. Is that Alliance funded or private sector research?"

"Dad..." Simon said in a voice low and goaded.

Gabriel chuckled, "Alright I'll stop. But Simon, you don't have to hide your dates from

me okay? You're a grown man...I understand. Actually, between you and me it's actually clarified a fair bit for me..." he lowered his voice and moved closer to the screen as if he wanted to whisper in Simon's ear, "...your mother was getting a bit worried as to-"

"Dad," Simon said tightly wanting suddenly to end the conversation as soon as possible, "This is so not appropriate right now." He hissed, nervously looking over his shoulder.

"Not that there's anything wrong with that Simon. But obviously," he waved it off "It's not an issue. I was hoping you'd bring someone home to meet us some day," Gabriel continued on, "Of course, I assumed that when I met her the first time she'd be a little more...dressed, but you know, I'm just old fashioned-"

"Dad..." Simon said warningly, "...can we not?"

"Simon I-"

"Please!" Simon said shuddering "I'm begging you to stop. And just for the record I'm very much...NOT that."

"Well I can see that," Gabriel said knowingly, "She's seems like a very lovely young lady. It was just...that neatness complex of yours and those vests you wear-"

"These," he said indicating his vest, "were mother's idea. She's been dressing me in them since I was ten!"

Simon suddenly realised how wrong that sounded.

Gabriel blinked, "Yeah...you really shouldn't wear those anymore."

Simon groaned, "Alright fine...I'll get rid of the vests. Now...can we please finish this later?"

Gabriel chuckled, "That's my boy. Go have fun. But er...just remember to prote-"

"DAD!" Simon exclaimed, shocked and mortified all over. "Apart from this being so not the right thing for us to be talking about – I_ am_ a doctor remember?"

Gabriel chuckled evilly, "I know, I just like to see you squirm." and signed off.

* * *

When Nadine emerged again she found him still standing next to the vid screen looking very pensive.

"What's wrong?" Nadine asked cautiously.

Simon raised his eyes to her and said in a desperate voice, "Do you like my vest?"

"What? This one in particular or your wearing of vests in general?" she enquired with a completely straight face.

"The latter..." Simon nodded seriously, trying to gauge her reaction.

Nadine shrugged, "They're alright..." she turned up the chocolate sauce bottle and began to generously coat the strawberries on her plate, "...just kinda looks like something your mother bought you."

Simon swore.


	17. Part 14 Section 1

**Part 14.1 – Painted**

She might have been a statue, serene as she was. Like a lake frozen over in the middle of nowhere, silent and alone, even as the world around her spun chaotically.

Xiaoyun still couldn't work out how she could do that. Just stare into the air in front of her face and do nothing but blink while people prinked and pulled her into shape.

Probably because she was used to it by now.

Xiaoyun put the last touch on River's make up, pressing a tiny star into the corner of her eye. Then she stood back and just admired. River really did blow you away when she was like this.

Flawless, porcelain white cheeks offset by painted crimson lips. Long sweeping dark lashes and an almost savagely perfect black line across her eyelid. If River closed her eyes - the only thing about her that seemed to be real and alive, bright and moving a little every now and again - she might have been a doll.

She stands up and they begin to dress her. The costume is delicate and made so that River has to be practically sewn into it. When they are finished Xiaoyun can only marvel. She looks a dream.

River smiles at her a little before turning to survey herself. Xiaoyun sees her smile fade ever so slightly, but she's confused as to the reason.

She doesn't see what River sees.

Red that stained. Black that enticed. White that glowed and made her beautiful. Made whole, by an artist who created her in the first place.

A painting. That's all she was.

Even her dress hides her. Sewn into her costume, pulled tight and pinned securely. Bound by satin and tulle. What a strangely dressed peasant girl Giselle turned out to be. No wonder she went mad.

River blinks, revels in the darkness behind her eyelids but knows she has to open them again.

People liked her like this. Painted like a portrait. No flaws. Every freckle of doubt has been erased. River glitters, because she must. Not enough make up and she'll disappear. Disappear under the lights – fade into the stage – melt away and never be seen.

"And we can't have that, can we River?"

River smiles wanly, "No, of course not..."

The irony? She's already lost...

Hair curled and glittering around her shoulders, pulled back from her face with a deceptively fragile looking hair pin.

She had flushed with pleasure when her parents had presented her with it. They had come into her dressing room as soon as the coast had cleared and dressers and make-up artists were nowhere to be seen.

"For our princess's big debut..." her father had said kissing her cheek."I wanted to get you a tiara but your mother shot me down brutally for being such a tasteless philistine!"

River giggled and favoured her father with a fond smile. But for all that, he needn't really have told her. Just looking at it River knew it had been her mother's choice. Mummy's taste was impeccable as her table manners were. It was just what it ought to be have been, entirely appropriate for the situation. Mummy had an eye for these sorts of things.

"So you like it?"

"I love it...thank you. It's perfect."

It _was_ perfect for her. A burnished gold which seemed to pick up the reddish tinges in her hair, delicate and inlaid with filigree, it was demure enough for her own tastes, and yet River could see her mother's reflection on it's surface. An expensive and timeless antique. River turned it over between her fingers, fascinated by the thought of who might've worn this before her.

"Just as it should be," Gabriel cracked a soft smile, "Only the best for our princess. Isn't that right Reagan?"

Mummy reaches down and gently pries the pin from her daughter's hand. Careful fingers secure it expertly, and then slide to rest lightly on her shoulders. Eyes meet in the mirror as mummy leans down, almost pressing her cheek against River's. Powdery rose scent clouds River's mind but she stares through the haze.

_Twin sets of brown eyes._

_Flecked with gold and yet dark with mystery. _

_Mother and Daughter. _

"Yes..." Reagan murmured so softly River almost didn't catch it.

_What could have been and what was to be._

_Almond eyes curve, both warm with passion and life. _

_But they could not be more different now._

A pained look flashes on Reagan's countenance and she moves away from River suddenly. Mummy's been pricked by her own thorn and now she's bleeding a little. River turned to look at her parents, as Reagan straightened and said to her husband that they should get back to their seats, "The Cambersons will be waiting for us."

_God forbid we keep the Cambersons waiting!_

A good luck wink from daddy before they leave, and they're gone.

But the scent of roses still lingers in the air.


	18. Part 14 Section 2

**Part 14.2 – Backstage Confession**

"River..."

At his voice, River tensed, and closed her eyes hoping that if she ignored him, he'd just take the hint.

Louder now. "River..."

No such luck.

Harvey's feet came into her line of view but she refused to raise her eyes. "Hello," she replied primly, focusing rather too intently on securing her ribbons around her ankle.

"I want to talk to you," his voice was tenser now, it sounded strange to River but she merely got to her feet and began to stretch and flex her shoes, moulding them to her feet with practiced ease.

"Don't worry –" she replied indifferently, and then added with the tiniest hint of venom, "I won't screw up today."

A pause. From the corner of her eye River sees him shake his head with frustration.

"No...it's not that."

She froze momentarily, but then continued to stretch and ready herself for the performance. She was a little confused now, but a childish side of her didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

A tiny sigh, a nervous pause, and then "I...I want to apologise."

Well she couldn't possibly ignore that.

River straightened slowly, looking at Harvey's reluctance written all over his face, with eyes wide with astonishment. She made to speak, but found her surprise had momentarily caught her tongue. "Wh..." was all she could manage.

"Stop it Tam. You heard me." He said sullenly giving her a dirty look.

"I...I'm not sure I did!" she replied with brutal frankness, giving Harvey a sceptical once over.

He made to give her a sharp retort. He tensed, shaking his head a little and ran his tongue over the white caps of his teeth with disdain, his lower lip jutted forward and River braced herself for the searing reply. "Wha..."

But then he seemed to change his mind. Closing his eyes, he breathed out the air he'd been holding in, and the next words out of his mouth had a softness to them which floored River for their sincerity, "What I said at rehearsal was totally...unfair and...well..." he shrugged, and mumbling reluctantly, rolling his eyes every so slightly, "I'm sorry."

"Uh..." she breathed. An astonished pause ensued and after a moment of chaotic thought River asked in a voice full of concern, "Are you okay?"

Harvey growled, "You are infuriating. Look," he said raising an arch eyebrow, his usual glimmer of frankness returning, "...we've got to we have to pretend as if we actually like each other in a few moments. We should at least be on talking terms don't you think?" he put out his hand and waited for River to take it.

River looked from the outstretched hand, to Harvey's determined face and tried not to sigh.

"You're right..." she agreed finding the words a little hard to get out, taking his hand in a firm grasp, "By the way..." she said releasing his hand, giving him the tiniest of smiles for his troubles, "I'm...sorry too for...well..." she shrugged, and said vaguely, "you know..."

"Kicking my ass?" Harvey asked wryly. At River's look of slight mortification, he chuckled and grimaced comically, "Yeah..." he drawled, "...didn't do much for my ego I'll tell ya."

"Well...good!" River snapped pettishly, suddenly losing any trace of embarrassment, "You were being a real...houzi de pigu! But," she cocked her head to the side apologetically, lowering her voice, "I shouldn't have done_ that_ to you...it was...wrong."

"Plus," Harvey added, moving towards the wings of the stage as some people came along to usher him towards his starting position, "I think it was totally unfair seeing as I was only telling the truth."

"What? That I was a lifeless doll?" she snapped, feeling her ire rise again.

"Well actually..." Harvey replied slowly. He rolled his shoulders and his neck, before turning to look at her with a smile which (inexplicably) gave her goosebumps, before he disappeared from view, "I'm talking about when I said _you were pretty_."

She could've sworn she saw him wink.


	19. Part 14 Section 3

**Part 14.3 – Out Of Sync**

_Lights...Music...Go._

She makes her entrance; a dazzling smile for her audience as their applause flutters in her ears.

_The wind fills her wings and she takes off. _

Gasps, exclamations, reverent whispers. She hears them through the music, floating upwards between the floorboards and around her feet. She hears them over the pounding of her heart. They know she's beautiful.

_His eyes meet hers and she imagines her submission to him. River does it so well she almost fools herself._

Forget about River Tam, urge Madam Kiska's eyes. And so she does. Like the good ballerina she obeys and gives herself over to it.

_Across the stage, her slippered feet flutter – she floats with ghostly grace and draws him after her. _

While River fades, Giselle materialises in her form. And now all River can do is watch...wait...

_Around and around she goes. Giselle has fallen in love with Albrecht._

Remember why she agreed to the interview in the first place.

_He lifts her and brings her back down. _

Too good to be true.

_Berthe, is worried that her delicate daughter's passion for dancing will lead her to her death._

Finally, a place where her classmates wouldn't be jealous, or scared of her because they'd be just like her, deserving as she was to be there.

_Push. Pull. Up. Down. _

The pure white and the bright pictures.

_Giselle is amused at Mother's concern, and dances on..._

But that coldness, that…strange quality in the air that she couldn't put her finger on.

_Love urges her on, twirls her around and makes her laugh...but then..._

Hazy blue, glassy images in her mind plagued her for nights after she left the institute.

_Love. Betrayal. Madness._

But let us be rational for a moment.

_The awful truth revealed, Giselle, destroyed by grief at Albrecht's duplicity, loses her mind._

Maybe she could go, and make them all even more proud of her. And for once it'd be on her own.

_Giselle dies beautifully, having been made a slave of love. Like a true heroine she dies elegantly for it. _

She was defined by everyone around her, by everything she was not. Here was a chance to make herself in her own terms.

_His hands are on her waist. _

To be free of the reigns. No more hold would they have on her.

_She falls away._

River wasn't arrogant, but she had to admit, being the 'best' definitely had some appeal to it. Her dreams were big.

_A forest on the banks of a pool. A cross bearing the name of Giselle stands underneath the trees._

Bigger than she would admit.

_Welcome to the supernatural world of the Wilis._

Too big for the stage she was flying across at the moment.

_She sighs and releases her centre. Giiselle is free. _

River's the bird, trapped in a cage so big she couldn't see it's bars, but trapped nevertheless.

_Pity to they who falls under the spell of the wilis. _

While she loved to learn, she still wanted to be that girl. That flying spirit. That beautiful nymph. To entrance and to dance for the sake of love.

_Vengeful spirits of virgin-brides who have been abandoned before their wedding night._

But it had never occurred to her that this which had released her once, was now holding on tighter than she could even fathom.

_The Wilis are seeking their revenge on young men by forcing them to dance to their death._

She had started, wanting to dance for herself. But who was she dancing for now?

_The turn. She doesn't even falter but she's shaking inside. _

Uncertainty is like a smoother. You don't realise it's effect on you, until you fall over in a faint.

_Albrecht faces such a fate at the hands of the Wilis, but Giselle's love protects him through the night._

To dance was to be someone else's creature. Was she loved for herself? Or was she just a porcelain doll? A pretty marionette forgotten as soon as the children finished with her.

_The Wilis flutter around her. Vengeful. But she is more powerful than all of them. _

Her feebleness scares her. The lights are blinding and she cannot see her audience.

_Queen of the Wilis tries to take Albrecht but the power of Giselle's love and protection is too great._

That used to thrill her. To think that they could see her, though she couldn't see them. But now she had to wonder – did they even know who she was?

_Giselle protects her love. Faithful even in death, and after his betrayal._ _Dawn breaks over the forest and the Queen of the Willis loses her power. _

It suddenly seemed so pointless and small. It's that heat again. River lets out a sigh. Maybe she could be so much more...?

_With the first rays of the sun the Wilis are forced back into their graves._

River finished in a roar of applause and waves of light. She could finally see them. Hundreds of nameless faces.

_A final goodbye – Giselle and Albrecht are parted forever. _

And she realised with horror that she was one of them.

_A sweeping salute. Giselle's at peace now. _

She felt her muscles aching, and her smile threatened to crumble at any moment. When had this become so taxing?

_The final curtain...the ballerina takes her bow. _

If this is what she wanted, then why is her sweat mingling with her tears?


	20. Part 14 Section 4

**Part 14.4 – The Jealous Sonne **

"Which one is he?"

"Who?"

"Moreaux you backbirth! Who else?"

"Well how in the 'verse would I – oh! There, in the grey...you see him?"

Harvey turned, he saw...and he frowned.

The man walking towards him certainly didn't look like the ballet master of the Londonium Conservatory of Dance he had imagined. He was a tall, willowy person, wearing a suit which didn't really seem to fit him all that well. He walked with a grace of a dancer, with his arms swinging relaxedly next to his body and his back and shoulders straight and confident but apart from that he had brassy hair which flopped into his oddly large blue eyes, and this weird waxy, arrogant smirk which didn't impress Harvey overly much.

"Em, excuse me, Monsieur Moreaux?" Harvey asked cautiously, still not convinced.

The man, who seemed to have missed him altogether and had actually continued to walk past Harvey, then stopped at the sound of his voice and stared.

"Oh...you are Albrecht?" he said casually, giving Harvey a slow once over.

Harvey found himself straightening up unconsciously "Well yes...in a manner of speaking..." he smiled slightly,

The man narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips, "I am Sebastian Moreaux...what is your real name then?"

"Harvey Ando. A pleasure to meet you Mr Moreaux."

Moreaux blinked condescendingly at the hand Harvey offered and at length took it, holding it lightly in his clammy grasp, "I see...Galina did mention-" he was cut off by a noisy gaggle of girls who flew by at that very moment, brushing past him in a manner which clearly offended him.

Drawing his hand away quickly and putting it in his pocket, he said "Have we somewhere I might speak uninterrupted by er..." he indicated lazily with his finger the 'rabble' filling up the backstage area.

"Of course," Harvey said quickly, moving to usher him into the small interview room situated to the left of the stage wings, "Please come through-"

"Will Galina be joining us?" Moreaux asked taking a seat, as Harvey settled himself opposite.

"Madam Galina...oh...well, I think so...a little later." Harvey said dismissively, "Thank you so much for coming all this way Mr Moreaux-"

"It was no trouble. I was in Capital City to meet another potential student. I make a point of choosing every student entering the advanced class from an outside institution myself, you know? Well," he smirked, "Of course you know. Well, in any case I almost wished I hadn't! This girl, a prodigy, so I was told. Only to be rivalled by the magnificent Mallory Amberton..." he dropped his dramatics; his disgust shown by his deep disappointed sigh, "What a lot of utter lunacy. The girl was a no better than a wind up doll..."

Harvey's eyebrow rose ever so slightly, "Oh...?" he sounded neutrally, staying quite still.

Moreaux gave him a curious look, "Yes well...maybe with many years hard work she'll be able to make a passably good ballet mistress for some small ones, but she will never grace the _barre_ of the Londonium Conservatory of Dance. No, no, no."

"That is...unlucky...for her..." Harvey said lightly, trying not to look as on edge as he felt.

Moreaux nodded, "Yes...it is. But you should be grateful young man, that you do not have her _luck_."

Harvey's jaw dropped slightly, "Pardon?" he whispered, feeling his body crunch with anticipation.

"I was very impressed with the performance tonight," Moreaux nodded crossing one leg over the other, "When your tutor Madam Galina contacted me I was not convinced. I wasn't even going to come after that experience in Capital City, but now I am glad I did. You are a true artist young man..."

"Monsieur Moreaux!" Harvey breathed, "I can't tell you how honoured-"

"Oh please, spare your gratitude. I don't give my praises out liberally I'll tell you. I'm sure if you apply now, you'll get a very good position some place. In fact, I believe the Osiris DanceAcad is holding auditions..."

Harvey felt his heart freeze and his stomach plummet.

"As it is, I was wondering if you knew where we could find er...Miss _River _was it?"

Moreaux could have just evolved an extra head and Harvey would not have been more surprised (or horrified).

"River?" Harvey said, feeling his face drain of blood.

"Yes, have I got that name right? Your pas de deux partner...I think we would be extremely interested in offering her a place."

Harvey's eyes widened with disbelief. "You...want to speak to TAM?" he uttered explosively.

Moreaux seemed unaffected by this outburst, taking Harvey's astonishment as a matter of course, and ignoring him, "Hmmm...River Tam..." he said seeming to test it out on his tongue, "It is a good name...no need to change it for the stage. Your name however," he practically shuddered, and looked thoughtful "How do you feel about _Serge_?"

"Wait...I don't..." Harvey seemed to have a hard time forming the words.

"Oh it's quite alright if you don't like 'Serge' because there are other options. But I'm sure you'll make up your own mind when the opportunity arises. Just steer clear of anything that begins with an 'H'." Moreaux nodded in what he thought was a kindly manner.

"But...there's only one place available isn't there!" Harvey spluttered ignoring this last comment about his name, "Madam Galina told me that!"

"She's quite right. We usually only take in fifty or so students a year for our advanced class. We are only looking for the very best."

"I'm sorry..." Harvey said heavily, putting a hand to his forehead where a headache was beginning to make it's presence known, "I think you're mistaken. I though Madam Galina told you...explained to you that it was...that she made things clear to you?"

Moreaux nodded, "Madam Galina told me to come purposively to watch Miss Tam."

"Wh-..." Harvey seemed to have a hard time swallowing the information, "Madam Galina told you to come and see _River Tam_..._River_..._Tam_...?" Harvey went on, not believing his ears.

"Yes, Galina told me all about her. She _mentioned_ that you were also interested in a position at the Conservatory and since I have known Galina for so long, I thought I owed her an audience at least. I would not have come otherwise, but Galina insisted that I would be pleasantly surprised and indeed I was!" Moreaux said cheerfully, "So...it was a pleasure to meet you, if you would just-"

"She's...she's only fourteen!" Harvey exclaimed trying to keep his anger in check, "The minimum age is sixteen!"

"Well...to be so young and so talented is a great advantage in our line of work Mr Ando, I'm sure you know that! And she was indeed exquisite!"

"Oh!" Harvey bit back the comment he was about to make and swallowed his bubbling ire, "Yes, she was...I mean," he licked his lips and took a breath to slow himself, finding that he couldn't settle his eyes anywhere near Moreaux "...she is...but she lacks..._commitment_ you know? Sometimes she's there, sometimes she's not. It's really...rather sad considering," he found he had to swallow again the lump in his throat and choked out, "how..._good_...she is."

Moreaux shrugged, "She is young I suppose and in such an institute as ours – she will soon learn. She has a bright future ahead of her if she intends to pursue dance. And with that sort of talent she would be foolish to do otherwise!"

Thump, thump, thump. Harvey felt his heart running hot, fit to burst. Suddenly the light was failing and he was falling. He was drowning in anger and disappointment and..._oh..._

"You know..." he said, a strange calm coming over him, raising his eyes to regard Moreaux coolly, "I don't know how to tell you this," he grimaced apologetically.

Suddenly the room stopped spinning and the devil on his shoulder started laughing with amusement.

Oh that the boy was not such a jealous creature.

Moreaux blinked, "_Pardon_?"

"Tam...I mean, _Rive_r wasn't aware of this at all. Madam Galina didn't tell her that you were coming to see _her_...in fact...I think she has already made other plans..."

"I think not – Madam Galina would have said-"

"She hasn't told anyone yet," came the slick reply, "She's been offered a very good place in...Sihnon! With a very prestigious institute. They've offered to provide her with a top education as well as well letting her dance... River's rather bright you see..."

Harvey was a little astonished to realise how easy this elaborate story had trickled right out. But then again, he was dealing with his life here – necessity always led to 'innovation' his mother liked to say. His heart was racing so fast that it was blocking out the sound of his conscience screaming at him to shut up.

"She's already in the grad program – same as my brother – it's how we know each other."

Well, at least that was kind of true.

"You see," his lowered his voice, and looking at Moreaux knowingly, "People get jealous because River's...just so..._good_" Harvey felt himself cringe, but made sure not to show it "She doesn't like to brag."

"But she came to tell you?" Moreaux could not have sounded more sceptical if he had taken tips from an expert.

Harvey shrugged, feeling himself flushing, "We...er...we're...close..."

"Indeed..." drawled Moreaux, his hand diving into his jacket pocket, "Well in that case, I'll just give her my card-"

"I'll do that for you!" Harvey said, taking the card from Moreaux quickly, "I'm real sorry, but I really do think she's going to refuse. Her parents in any case wouldn't let her give up on an education like that..."

There was a painful silence. Harvey was suddenly extremely aware of his blinking, and of the whirring of the water cooler at the corner of the room. Moreaux was just staring at him, as if he were waiting for something. After a full minute Harvey felt he had to speak first but then, Moreaux beat him to it.

"This is fortunate for you...yes?" came the quiet statement, accompanied by an arch raising of an eyebrow.

Harvey felt his heart wracking his rib cage again, "Sorry?" he said lightly.

Moreaux took a little moment to breathe, seeming to consider his words carefully. He laced his fingers together and rested his elbows on the arm rests of the chairs, saying nothing for a few seconds, "You know Mr Ando..." he finally began, "I've learnt much about myself in these last ten years I've been _maitre de ballet_ of the Conservatory..."

Harvey blinked – _Okay..._

"Oh...how...nice." he smiled placidly, though wildly confused at this strange man's sudden turn of conversation.

"Yes isn't it?" Moreaux smiled widely, and nodding, "It's very reassuring to know exactly what one likes, and what one dislikes. What works, and doesn't work. One thing

in particular that has stuck with me is that...I'm incredibly intolerant of bad behaviour."

He gave Harvey a moment to digest this and then continued, he rolled his shoulders and settled back comfortably into the chair before continuing, "I've seen my fair share of _bad behaviour _in my time...petty jealousies, tantrums thrown over something as insignificant as a dressing room, and once when I was just starting out, the lead ballerina scratched her dressing lady so violently she bled...and do you know what it was about?"

"No..." Harvey replied cautiously.

Moreaux took a moment to appreciate the memory, his eyes meditating on something behind Harvey, "The colour of her slippers..." he said roundly, and then turned to Harvey with a queer little smile "...apparently they were not quite the shade of pink she'd been expecting."

"How terribly..." Harvey murmured now completely all at sea as to what the point of this little story was about. However, his confusion was nothing to the fact that he was starting to feel incredibly nervous as to the look in Moreaux's eye.

"My point is..." Moreaux said looking at Harvey coolly, "...we see all too much of that sort of thing in our line of work, and it irks and tires me greatly. Dancers who lose themselves in their own arrogance, forgetting why they are there in the first place," he winced slightly as if the thought of it really did sting him, before going on, "Those who step through the doors of my Conservatory are expected to be disciplined and controlled...putting professionalism before all else. I don't stand for anything less than perfect Mr Ando..._do you understand me_?"

Harvey gulped convulsively. The look in Moreaux's eyes was rather startling now. Hypnotic and dangerous. Harvey tried to get a hold of himself, forcing his irrational nervousness into the back of his mind. He replied in a heavy voice, "Yes Monsieur Moreaux."

Moreaux nodded slowly, his eyes fading of their venom, "If you work as hard at attaining mastery in your arts, as you do trying to wheedle your way into my master class...I'll give you the position now."

Harvey jumped forward off his chair with surprise, "You're...offering me the place?"

Moreaux shrugged matter-of-factly, "You could attain great heights, in fact when I saw you I was rather disappointed that I had only this one place to offer. But I am the _maitre de ballet_..." he shrugged, "...and I can change the rules if I wish. I see you are willing to do _whatever_, is required to become the best you can be, and this is not necessarily a bad thing."

"Monsieur Moreaux, you have no idea what this means to me. I promise you, you won't regret it!"

Moreaux had moved to stand and was now straightening his clothing out with a awful deliberation, apparently quite ready to ignore Harvey altogether. Harvey waited with bated breath. His heart was thumping just as loudly now, but for an entirely different reason.

"Just remember," Moreaux said at length, checking his hair in a nearby mirror and running a long fingered hand through it, "At the Londonium Conservatory of Dance, _I'm _the gardener..." he turned carefully and levelled Harvey with a laser gaze, before saying in a quiet voice full of promise, "...and even the most beautiful of all the flowers are not impervious to the garden clippers."

The look on the boy's face forced a short bark of laughter from Moreaux and he smiled widely before departing the room in search of Galina...

...leaving Harvey with words, ringing in his ears.

* * *

_Ballet Terms_

Maitre de Ballet – 'Ballet master' who's in charge of the dancers and the composing ballets for the company etc

Barre – Horizontal wooden hand rail which the dancers use for support during exercises


	21. Part 14 Section 5

**Part 14.5 – Stolen**

Exhilaration was running through Harvey's veins as he darted out of the interview room, searching for River amongst the badly lit backstage area. Costumes and props littered the floor, making it like a maze, through which Harvey moved, his feet hardly touching the floor as he searched for his Giselle.

"River!"

There she was, still looking perfect in her gleaming white satin tutu and pink toe shoes and tights, except for the fact that someone had helped her unpin her bun and her hair was now falling down in loose curls over her shoulders. God she was lovely.

He caught her before she could register with a yelp and pulled her into a darkened corner.

"You were perfect..." he said almost reverently, warm hands cupping her astonished face, "Giselle...you were perfect-"

River flushed in the dimness, "Stop it Harvey!" she snapped irritated, "It's over now, no more-"

Then he had kissed her.

It had happened so quickly she hardly knew it had. River gasped ever so slightly against his lips as he pushed her against the cold brick wall, feeling it graze her exposed skin of her back.

For a moment she was lost in it, his lips were warm, his breath soft...

...but his grabbing hands irked her, and he was pressing too hard against her, suffocating her.

Hands on his shoulders tried to push him back but in her confusion she had almost lost her footing and he had grabbed her waist and pulled her closer ignoring her protest.

The warmth of him was overwhelming. He had surrounded her, smothering her in a kiss that she had never asked for.

She made a muffled sound of outrage and pushed him harder this time. She jerked away from him sharply, hissing with anger and shock, "What's wrong with you!"

River was boiling with rage now, but light headed as well with a strange ache pulling at her heart. Her first kiss! And the houzi de pigu had taken it without even asking! The feeling of being bereft of something was overwhelming.

"I'm sorry," Harvey said smiling, obviously not sorry in the least, "I was just...and you looked so..."

River realised she was shaking a little; as if she were channelling his exhilaration. She pushed her shock to the back of her mind instinctively, forcing down her impulse to run and hide.

"That's no excuse," she snapped, and made to walk away.

But his hand was lightning fast around her wrist, "Harvey! Let go!" she cried, feeling suddenly vulnerable. She tried to pull away from him but he refused to release her.

"Tam," he said, his eyes glowing "I did it!"

She stared at him, her eyes darting nervously. Her heart was starting to slow down now.

"I'm going to Londonium to dance...Moreaux loved me!" he grabbed her upper arms, and she grimaced the jolt it sent through her chest and the sudden tensing of her shoulders.

She mentally chastised herself for being ridiculous. She had danced with Harvey a hundred times, been in his company for hours during rehearsal, she knew she was in no real danger from him.

She forcibly steeled herself, ignoring the shiver than ran down the back of her neck.

"He even said..." Harvey faltered a little, tripping over his words in his excitement, unaware of her discomfort, "He said you were pretty good too...in fact he told me to tell

you that... if you train a bit more that he'd be happy to offer you a place."

The lies pooled around his feet. Half truths, half lies and a few secrets.

River started. "What?"

Little beads of those feelings River kept in check quiver inside her, make their way out of their hiding place and burst like tiny firecrackers inside of her.

As if she didn't know she was better than Harvey would ever be! Suddenly she wished

she hadn't saved him. And she was despising Giselle for saving the man who had betrayed her.

_This is Vanity River..._

The sharp realisation of this annoys her and as shame flitters in her stomach like butterflies, she flushes, the blood rushing to colour her white cheek. Naturally, Harvey took this the wrong way...

"That's right... River..." it shocked her to hear him use her first name, "it's finally happening! And it's all because you came through for me...aren't you happy?"

His words might've been grateful but River couldn't tell. Things were swimming around her. She nodded slowly, feeling dazed, "Yes...I'm happy for you Harvey," she said in a cheerless voice, pushing his hands away, but not as violently now.

Regarding her silence, Harvey leant down and searched out of her eyes, and smiled at her, his eyes still glowing intensely a soft amber, "We probably won't see each other ever again...mind if I kiss you one last time?"

But before she could answer he pushed her chin up and placed a hard kiss on her painted lips. This time she didn't lash out at him.

There was no point hiding anymore.

His assault had left her exposed, and stripped bare.

With neither costume nor a mask to hide behind.

She stared up at him, as intently as he looked down at her.

"You're getting too beautiful for your own good Tam..." he said almost regretfully, "watch out for those boys alright?"

She watched him leave.

A hand to her neck, as an inexplicable chill had wrapped itself around her throat, and panic began to race her pulse.

Her chest is tight with discomfort and a mildly sick feeling beginning to tingle in her stomach. Her cheeks radiate with heat, while every part of her body feels heavy and strange.

She was alone in the dark, again.

And for some reason, she felt like bursting into tears.


	22. Part 15

**Part 15 – The Blue, The Black**

Simon had never been so comfortable in his entire life. The sun had set, and the last vestiges of light which streaked the sky pink, orange and purple were beginning to die, making way for the dark blue of night, and though he was beginning to feel the chill of the evening around him, the feeling of Nadine's body pressed up against his chest, with her head thrown back lazily on his shoulder and her arms around his shoulders warmed him from the heart. They had spent a whole day together, doing nothing in particular and just loving every minute they spent with each other. They had returned home, and were waiting for the display of fireworks that would begin soon in honour of Unification Day. They had been silent for a long while, both just happy to be near each other, but suddenly out of the blue Nadine spoke.

"It's beautiful isn't it?"

"Well...the fireworks usually are..." he said a little confused.

She gave him a look, and then laughed "No, I was talking about the stars Simon!"

Simon followed her line of view and raised his eyes unappreciatively to the purplish Osiris sky.

"Oh..."

She stood up, and Simon followed her, putting his arms around her waist, not wanting to be far away from her for even a second.

"All those stars...it'd take you three lifetimes to see them all and even then you'd never be able to meet everyone on them. It's mind boggling...but exciting isn't it?"

Simon merely smiled at her, not quite sure how to answer.

"Have you ever thought about leaving?"

"Leaving? You mean...leaving Osiris?"

"Yeah...you know," Nadine turned around in his arms, "Getting out of here...seeing new places, and meeting new people?"

Simon gave her a funny look, and said with great deliberation, "Um...no?"

Nadine started with disbelief, "So you wouldn't even want to try it?"

"What's that got to do with anything? It's not like I'm going anywhere further than the hospital, any time soon."

"Yeah but..." Nadine shrugged gently, her expression becoming a little troubled, "I just wonder sometimes if we're missing out." Simon looked at her seriously, as she continued, "I've always wanted to know what was _out there_..."

Simon turned his eyes from Nadine's face, to the stars and frowned. Perhaps if he had been in a more poetical mood he might've thought more of it. But truth be told, Simon was a practical man. For him, the meaning was in those things he could see. The things he could touch. The things he could fix with logic and learning. A doctor had no business doing otherwise he had come to believe. Far fetched dreams of becoming a space-pirate and travelling the 'verse were best left to the imaginings of children.

"I mean, I've never even been out of this quadrant before," Nadine shrugged, "I'm worried I'll wake up one day and regret never having stepped outside of my own backyard..."

"The Core is hardly a _backyard _Nadine!" Simon snorted, "And anyway you want to know what's out there beyond the central planets?"

"What?"

"Backwater moons and backwater people!" he replied roundly, "Not exactly an oasis of culture that you're thinking of."

He had expected a little titter of amusement, maybe a tiny chastisement. He was not however, expecting Nadine to wrinkle her nose and say crushingly, in a voice which made her feelings very obvious to him, "Goodness me we are a snob tonight aren't we?"

Simon straightened with offence, recovering after a moment of shock. "You're calling me a snob?"

"Damn straight..." Nadine said heartily.

"It's just space Nadine..." he replied dismissively, "Nothing to make a fuss about."

"Well that's the stupidest thing I've heard today!"

Shock. Irritation.

Simon frowned deeply, releasing his hold on her, "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked defensively.

Nadine rolled her eyes a little, and she shoved him playfully, softening her accusations, "Seventy odd planets in the solar system and you're telling me there's nothing to see? Ludicrous!" she laughed, but stopped when he didn't join in.

"So I'm ludicrous as well?"

Unimpressed by his quasi-sulk, Nadine raised her eyebrow and cocked her head to the side giving him a pointed look, "Oh come on Simon...don't be silly..." she said trying to mollify him, but not succeeding. She backed off, and leaned back against the balcony railing, watching Simon stare back at her, with his hands in his pockets.

There was a tense pause, as both of them just stared at each other. A pair of brown eyes, meeting blue ones, both full of challenge and maybe a little uncertainty. They might've stayed like that forever, each waiting for the other to move, had Nadine not straightened and moving forward, looped her arms around Simon's waist pulling him close, not so that they were kissing, but so that they were pressed up close to each other, feeling the warmth of each other, so conscious of the chill of the night air around them.

She stared into his eyes, his beautiful dark eyes that had drawn her in, "Outside the Core...", she lowered her voice mysteriously, her eyes brimming with her usual humour, "...who knows what wonderful mysteries there are just waiting to be uncovered?"

"And what happens if the mysteries are nothing but petty thieves and farmers with delusions?"

"Well...if that concept goes bust...I can think of nothing better, than living out the rest of our days on some wonderfully tropical planet, making love on the beach, and sipping cocktails out of coconuts."

Simon couldn't stop the smiling breaking out on his face. He chuckled slightly.

For awhile they were quiet.

But Nadine still couldn't get Simon's response to her first question out of her head and so after awhile, she broke the silence again.

"So you would never even _think _of leaving?"

Simon sighed rather heavily and said resting his chin on her shoulder, "Truthfully, I could never fathom leaving living anywhere else. There's just so much for me to do here. So many people I can help."

"There are lots of people who needs doctorin' on the rim." She said sliding into a pseudo-Rim accent. She's not very good at it, but it's utterly endearing to Simon's ears. However, he doesn't answer.

"Simon?" Nadine prodded.

He looked at her with a blankly, "Yes Nadine?"

"Don't be obtuse Simon!" she scolded, laughing a little, "Tell me why!"

"I just wouldn't..."

"Simon..." Nadine said warningly.

"What?"

"Simon! Just tell me..."

He tried to move away from her, but she held onto him tightly, "Tell me..." she urged him, looking up at him. At length Simon, met her eyes and pulled her so her head was tucked comfortably under his chin.

"It scares me..." Nadine's mouth fell open, "The thought of leaving my whole life...my whole world behind scares me to death."

"Oh Simon..." She pressed her cheek against his and cupped his face.

"Leaving everything I've worked for...the hospital...the people...the people I love..." he said huskily, "Everything that I am...it's all right here. I'm a doctor, I help people get better...I don't know what it feels like to go hungry, I'm respected for who I am, I pay my taxes and obey the law...I'm polite, cautious...and," Simon shook his head and laughed with real amusement, "I wear a vest for God's sake! I couldn't possibly leave Nadine... I'd lose myself out there..."

"Simon you're so much more than just..._a vest_..." Simon looked down into Nadine's twinkling eyes and couldn't help laughing with her. It was exactly the sort of thing she would say. It would be the one thing he would carry around with him after it was all gone. But the sincerity of her words made his heart ache.

"It's just...I'm so happy here...it makes me feel like I'm doing something important." He said quietly, "I don't know what I'd do if I had to give it all up."

"You'd survive. You'd just keep living."

"How can you be sure?" Simon asks urgently, "How can you live if there's nothing to live for?"

"_Life _is worth living for," Nadine said clutching his hand, "You can't be scared of being scared Simon. That's the very definition of death. It's not living. What else can you call it?"

Simon looked at Nadine and then out at the city lights. The sky stretched out frighteningly before him. He pulled Nadine closer as a chill came over him.

"I don't know..."

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REVIEWS PLEASE! 


	23. Part 16

**Part 16 – Bargain**

Reagan gives the woman a chance to speak. Politeness dictates that she does that much at least. She's perfected the art of 'listening' which actually involves no listening at all. It's really very important for those of her situation. People in society tended to talk a great deal too much, mostly about things that are of no interest to anyone but themselves and it can get awfully insipid. And so Reagan had learnt all the little tricks of the trade. She nods her head intermittently but other than that she's perfectly still and silent. It works, because Madam Galina comes to the end of her little proposal and waits expectantly for an answer.

"I'm sorry but that won't be possible."

The punch to the gut. Delivered in polite, well intonated English, accompanied by the slightest of bowing of her head and softened by an apologetic grimace.

Madam Galina's mouth fell open with horror, her eyes large and sharp, "Mrs Tam," she said slowly, "I do not think you understand. Sebastian Moreaux...he does not offer a place to just anyone!"

"I am fully aware of the...situation Madam Galina, but," Reagan shrugs slightly, "just like I told Mr Moreaux when he called the other day, it's not something River will be pursuing."

"Mrs Tam y-you can't... "A twitch of Madam Galina's left eye in the only thing which tells of her agitation "...perhaps I ought to speak with River."

"I'm afraid that's not possible either. She's not available at this moment."

Galina's getting desperate now. Reagan can read it in her eyes. She sees something else there too. But she's not very sure...oh...of course. How well for Madam Galina if the star of the Londonium Conservatory of Dance just happened to be her former pupil? Reagan understands now. But maybe she's just always thinking the worst of the people.

"This is a matter of some importance to her, Mrs Tam. I'm sure she'll-"

"May I be frank with you Madam Galina?" Reagan cuts her short.

Galina twitches uncomfortably, her lips thinning into a white line of annoyance, "Of course Mrs Tam."

"My daughter is not at the age where she can make her own decision about her future. We, as a family, have already talked about this. River is destined to do great things Madam Galina...but I'm afraid carving out a career in the performing arts is not one of them."

"This is an opportunity of a lifetime Mrs Tam. River can always return to study later but there's no way she'll never be able to return to dance after years without training!"

"Frankly, it's not relevant. River has other...opportunities. Opportunities which would be absolute foolishness to throw away."

"Would you at least consider letting her train part time?"

Reagan shook her head, smiling mildly, "I'm afraid, that's completely out of the question. River's time will be taken up with school."

"Mrs Tam you are refusing your daughter a chance to become something great." Galina practically hisses, "With the talent she has, it would be _foolishness_ not to allow her the opportunity to make a name for herself! I beg you Mrs Tam, be reasonable!"

Reagan's breath hitches in her throat.

Reasonable. Rational. She hardly knows what that means anymore. Things have become so abstract, the strings are so tangled. "My daughter...has many talents," comes the vague mechanical reply. _What does it mean?_

Everything's falling into place but why does it feel like they're falling apart. Reagan has to stop and remember breathe because she knows what she's about to do.

A last desperate plea, "Mrs Tam you must be reasonable!"

She focuses her dark eyes, and blinks away the light, "I'm sorry," she exhales, "but it's not going to happen."

She hits the shut-off button and has to brace herself against the wall to stop from falling to her knees. Her head is starting to ache, and the spots in her eyes are blinding.

She's seeing things...

Things that can't possibly be real...

The world is spinning wildly...

Faster and faster...

Brighter and brighter...

Silent memories bubble and burst unbearably...

Roll over and over and never let up...

_I think you're just perfect..._

_She's your daughter..._

_I love you mummy..._

_Won't you miss me?_

_Make me happy..._

STOP.

Reagan opens her eyes, which she doesn't remember closing. Tell-tale creak of the floorboard at the threshold of the library is better than a sensor sometimes. She doesn't have to turn around to know who is standing behind her.

"What did your father tell you about listening at doors?"

She turns and sees River leaning against the door frame, with her arms crossed lightly, not even blushing at the fact that she's been caught eavesdropping. She doesn't answer, but continues to stare at her mother in the most disconcerting way. Reagan bites her lip unhappily, "I'm sorry darling...but this is the way it has to be."

The silence she receives in reply makes Reagan suspicious. There's something strange in the way River's looking at her. Her eyes are so dark, and her face is so unreadable that one would guess that nothing but indifference boils away beneath the surface of that cool white skin.

But that's not right. A mother knows better.

There's something completely foreign in River's presence. Something hidden behind those lovely gold-flecked eyes that Reagan can't see for the life of her. She's lost sight of her little girl and all she sees is her daughter on the precipice of maturity. Innocence glows in her cheeks, but there's something tight around her mouth.

Reagan shifts uncomfortably. She doesn't know it yet, but everything's about to crumble into a millions pieces. The mirror is going to fall and shatter all around her again. Taking the reflection she sees before her, with it.

Reagan blinked rapidly, faltering ever so slightly. "I-It was for the best River...you'll see that in the end."

The waters are murky and deep in River's eyes. Porcelain doll has turned to a powerful River; and only water can fall through the cracks of Reagan's hand.

"I did everything you ever asked me to."

A single statement. Succint and sharp though her voice is soft as silk. Reflective and disbelieving; but laced with anger, disappointment and hurt. River's been on tenterhooks ever since Harvey kissed her and scratched her china face and now she's not scared of being damaged by anyone. Who knew you could grow up overnight.

"I wanted you to be proud of me."

Reagan starts, "River...I do-..." her words catching in her throat, closed up by shock. But of course she does. Mother always knows.

In her daughter's eyes. This sharpness, outright accusation – never had she experienced any thing like it in River. Never had an awful word ever fallen from the lips of this child she had assumed was as soft and skittish as a mouse. What had changed? Why was she-

"You can't control everything mummy..."

Reagan gulped convulsively and uncertainty shivers through her.

"I'm not trying to control you River..." she smiles coaxingly, finally finding her voice, "I'm being your mother. It's my job."

"Unlucky for some..." River had the audacity to roll her eyes slightly.

Reagan flares, her "Don't you dare speak to me like that!" she hissed angrily "After all I've done for you. The life your father and I have given you, you dare to turn around and throw it all back in our faces!"

Dead silence. The daughter's waiting, and the mother's desperate.

"River..." deeply throbbing, her voice is like the rain, "you are made for so much more. You...you don't even begin to..." a tense pause, a different tone, "River you don't realise how young you are...how much time you've got to..." the words spill uncharacteristically, because she's losing grip on it all, "...when you finish you'll be eighteen and then you can do whatever you want. Just do this one thing for me...please River don't throw it all away..."

Outside the sun is setting, golden rays filter into the room and bathe it in light. It's too bright. Fear that everything might just burst into flames.

"One thing?"

And then it does.

"One-" Reagan stops. Raises her eyes and stares at her daughter who has come forward into the room. Reagan's heart thumps loudly into her ears, and mind races with understanding.

Realisation.

Realising the true meaning of the words.

Realising that the time has come.

Realising that it's nearly at an end.

And for some reason feels like bursting into tears.

River's eyes are wild and glowing, but Reagan sees the fear in them, brought to the surface by her words. Her daugher's fighting but the child hardly knows for what.

"Yes," a whisper because she hardly believes what she's saying. Debased to bargaining for what she wants from a being she once carried in her womb. "Yes River, _just_ this one thing..."

"Nothing else...last thing ever..." River's voice is strong, but her eyes waver.

Mother dearest, breaks her heart when her baby doesn't come back to her. But she knows that this is for the best.

"Last thing ever..." Reagan closed her eyes and sighed.

She opens them again and sees River hasn't moved. River takes her eyes off her mother and looks at her feet, and then at the walls of the library and then to the space around the spot where her mother stands. She's broken the reins but like a trained animal she doesn't know what to do with the freedom.

"Leave me now River..." the final push, of a mother who helps her baby take it's first steps, "I want to be alone."

River takes two steps back and pauses. Reagan thinks she's going to falter but then, she turns around, and walks out of sight without another word or even a parting glance over her shoulder. She wanted Mother dearest to understand fully, but she needn't have bothered because Reagan can never forget her children's tears.

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Author Note: I just read the original script for "Safe" including the scenes which were not put into the actual episode and OMG does it make my fic totally AU. And also: someone pointed out to me that 'Reagan' is actually 'Regan' as per the script, but for the sake of continuity I will be using 'Reagan' spelling. Plus, I think 'Reagan' looks prettier, so there.

REVIEW PLEASE!


	24. Part 17

**Part 17 – Breaking Fast**

Over breakfast the words hang. Fly around in the space between their heads and the roof and takes away River's appetite. The letters begin to slow, and form words that beg to be uttered. River can't resist.

"Daddy?"

Gabriel turns to his daughter and wonders why she's looking nervous and determine all at the same time. He smiles encouragingly, hoping to put her at ease whatever the issue is, "Yes River?"

"I've made my decision." Beneath the table, where no one can see, River twists the table cloth in her fingers until they're red and aching.

Wait a second, as daddy takes his glasses off and puts the paper he's reading down next to his plate. He places his hands, with fingers interwoven down in front of him, he looks neutral on the outside but River sees his mind moving, "Well?" his eyes smile at her.

"I'll go…" River shoots a quick glance at her mother, at the opposite end of the table, but it's as if she hasn't said anything. She runs her tongue nervously over the inside of her lip, before she utters the words, "I...I'll go.to the Academy."

Gabriel regards his daughter with an unreadable eye. But it doesn't bother her because she knows he can't see her properly, "River, are you sure?"

River smiles and nods, "I want to learn…"

"Well then," Gabriel nodded, picking up his paper again, and standing, "I'll send Mr Mathias a wave this afternoon."

"Mr Tam?"

"Yes Mrs Mavel?"

"Governor Von Schleiker wishes to speak to you...again."

Gabriel sighed closing his eyes, "Tell him I'll be right there, thank you Mrs Mavel"

Gabriel said standing, "I'm going to my club this afternoon." He said addressing his wife, "Don't expect me for lunch."

"We're having the Cambersons for dinner tonight. Don't forget."

Gabriel kisses his wife goodbye but doesn't say anything. She continues with her breakfast not seeming to care.

As he passed his daughter's chair, he leaned down, cupped her left cheek with a fatherly hand and kissed the other, "I'm so proud of you princess."

And he left.

The silence he left in the room was palpable. River stares at her plate and twists her hands in her lap. She bites her lip, and looksover to her mother, who continus to delicately fork eggs into her mouth.

"Aren't you going to say anything mummy?"

Mrs Tam pausesfor a moment, but she doesn't lift her eyes, "What do you want me to say…darling?"

"Something…" River feels her chest tighten, and hot prickling at the back of her eyeballs, "Anything…" she breathes.

Her mother doesn't answer. She forks a final mouthful into her mouth and takes a second to finish chewing, before she swallows. The fork makes slight ping against the china as it is set down. Reagan lifts the napkin to wipe her mouth.

"Mummy..._please_…?" Voices catch in River's throat, as they desperately try to fight their way out. Frustration as River watches her mother hardly react to her plea.

Reagan exhales softly, through her nose, closing her eyes. But then, she opens them to meet her daughter's. It's like she's seeing her for the first time. Looking at River, the same way she looked at her the day she was born. Her perfect daughter. Perfect.

But River almost shrinks away from the look she finds there. It unsettles her, and her heart races. Mother's eyelashes beat against her skin. Her eyes grow hot. The sun has set.

Reagan stands but the light just shines through her, and she doesn't even cast a shadow.

"I love you River," the words are smooth and real, River feels them slice through her cold skin, "I only wanted you to be happy."

And then she's gone. Walked out without a cursory glance at her daughter who is left at the table by herself. Silence never sounded so loud before.

_What did I tell you about listening at doors?_

_Mummy! Mummy I wanna dance!_

_You're a gift...a prize..._

_Do you still want to be a pirate...?_

_Make me happy River..._

_You're getting too beautiful for your own good Tam..._

_I deserve that at least..._

River closes her eyes and the tears trickle through her hands and stain her skin. Relief seeps from her and her body lights up.She murmurs words that she's never heard before and sees things that are impossible. Whispers "I love you too mummy..." but screams into the silence and thinks she hears the shattering of glass.

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REVIEW PLEASE! 


	25. Part 18 Section 1

Note: I know the italics are annoying but they are necessary to differentiate River's trains of thought. Apologies for late update. Firstly, I crashed my car and have been feeling somewhat uninspired to say the least. Secondly, I hated my first draft of this chapter so much that I had to start all over again – hopefully this is better. Mostly just an idea that wouldn't get out of my head. Not necessarily important to story but (maybe) a character study. Translations at end of post. Anyway, read and review! -esprit noir

All usual disclaimers etc - what's mine is mine, what's everyone else's is theirs respectively...not making any money from this (although I do wish I was)

* * *

**Part 18.1 – Gold**

The dying light reminds of her of things she can't really see clearly anymore. Hazy recollections she hoped she might remember again one day. Her limbs feel delightfully heavy and her skin tingles with relief. Maybe just a few moments, she thinks.

River loves to dream.

They tell her not to.

You can't live on a dream they scold.

But River knows better.

River dips her head back against the arm of the long chaise and closes her eyes. The sun filters through her eyelids like they're tissue paper as she falls away from the light.

_A dreamy summer afternoon. The sun swamps everything in a thick honey glow. The sweet, spicy scent of azaleas wafts through the window – a smell that she remembers but can't recall. Hours spent in daddy's study, rifling with a child's enthusiasm through his Earth-That-Was collections. _

_Gabriel Tam loves beautiful things. Their house is littered with costly paintings, priceless antiques and rare artefacts. Each piece as delightful and as loved as the next. Above the fireplace, a family portrait in the old style of paint and a canvas, created by a artist with an old soul and a wonderful eye for proportion, the Tams themselves make a fine addition to the collection. _

_Of course, these things cost dearly to maintain, but Gabriel Tam's fortunes are in sync with his expensive hobbies so it doesn't occur to his daughter to ponder any vulgar questions of money. No distasteful inquiry as to why her father can surround his family in useless magnificence, even as the Independent political spiels she finds on the cortex tell her that people are suffering. Her teachers tell her they're suffering in ignorance. It's their own fault for fighting the civilisation of the Alliance. Her parents tell her to remain silent on such topics (especially when they have company) and it's on those nights that she goes to sleep troubled. _

_But a child is volatile and fickle and the ultimate in pragmatism. So she awakes with these pangs forgotten. Books and albums full of dazzling inspirations, fill whole walls of shelves. Antique captures called photographs of people in strange clothes stare intensely, begging her to unravel their secrets of their sepia pasts. Frightening, glittering things, formed under the hands of those who are long gone. How can you expect a child to notice the shadows behind them?_

_So, on dreamy summer afternoons with the sun pouring through the giant glass windows and the smell of antique love and cloves on her skin, she forgets everything but the gold. Simon has no soul for poetry but River falls in love her father's Shakespeare and sinks under the spell of the paintings of great lovers and great warriors and great fools of mythology. _

"_I have something for you to see Princess," daddy beckons her into the study. _

_River trips in on light feet, vibrating with anticipation. That morning a woman dressed in a green suit arrived with a package and two assistants to carry it. River waited outside her father's study as it was brought in and for awhile all she could hear was quiet murmuring. Then the green suit and her two underlings left the place and for a few painful moments, her father remained closeted by himself in his study. River steps onto the threshold and meets with a picture of her father, standing profile, staring with gleaming eyes at the west wall. _

_The squeaky floorboard makes him look over, and he beckons her closer, but more like an excited child than a controlled Core-bred gentleman, "Quickly River, you must see this!"_

_River takes a few steps forward, and is almost at her father's side when she turns her head to the west wall before the breath is quite literally knocked from her lungs. . She stumbles, and her throat pops as she realises she's never beheld true magnificence before._

"_Wo de tian a..." she whispers to herself, tears almost coming to her eyes. _

_A golden fresco, pulsing with something vital and magic. A man, nay, an angel, fallen from heaven (she's sure of it), a sculpted Adonis laid out with three silken maids weeping over his lifeless form, with his dark sweeping venal wings gloriously splayed across the scape._

_It was beautiful and sorrowful. Deep and so full of life that River almost fancies that she could see the man's chest rise and fall with his last breath. _

"_Henry James Draper," her father's voice breaks her reverie, "The Lament for Icarus... 1898." _

"_Icarus?" she tests the name on her tongue, it sounds strange to her. _

_Gabriel turned to his daughter, taking pleasure in her glassy-eyed admiration. He tells her the story, passes it on like his mother had passed it on to him. The foolish son who did not listen to his father. Got too close and didn't realise until it was too late. A tale to warn about the incautious exuberance of youth. The dangers of hubris. _

_A pause. River looks at her father suspiciously, tearing her eyes away, "Are you trying to tell me something daddy?" _

_He only smiles, but the light in his eyes are so bright they blast away River's vision_.

And then the library's gone.

All that's left is light.

Pure yellow light.

Dare she say...Gold?

Bursting like firecrackers.

But silent like the grave.

Then she hears his voice. Many voices in fact as she floats here in a vacuum of light.

"Trust me River..."

So she closes her eyes and is vaporised.

Atoms of River Tam spin slowly, and then faster, whirlpooling around in space.

"Stop now River..."

_River gasps as cold air rushes her, and she opens her eyes, only to find herself standing at the end of a cliff. The wind whips around her and the sea below her crashes against the rocks. She screams, a girlish, childish scream and stumbles back, landing against hard ground. Suddenly a shadow is cast over her. _

_She looks up. Stops breathing. He's lovely. Oh so brilliantly beautiful that she can't look at him, and can't stop looking at him all at the same time. _

"_You're finally here..." his voice is smooth and silky, but deep and strong all the same, "We've been waiting a long time haven't we, my love?"_

_She can't reply because she's breathless and confused. Her heart's fluttering a hundred beats a minute, she can feel the blood pulsing through her chest. She casts her eyes over his wonderful form. Sees the straps which bind the wings to his arms. She hates them. She thought he was an angel. He looks like a god. The straps make him hatefully mortal. _

"_Are you scared River?" his question goes unanswered, but he continues, "You shouldn't be, my darling."_

_His endearments send bolts of something she can't describe through her body. She shakes her head numbly for no reason she can't think of. _

_He looks down at her, with a face filled with the tenderest of love, and smiles, "I always wanted to fly..." and he begins to run._

Don't fly too close to the water River.

The waves will drench your wings and you'll not be able to fly.

Don't fly too close to the sun River.

The wax will melt and you'll fall to your death.

_River gasps with horrible realisation. "WAIT NO!" _

_He's not more than a few steps away when it grips her deathly hard. Sharp fear shoots through her now. She's going to lose him. _

"_No!" she screams, stands and runs after him, her legs suddenly weighted with lead, "No! You can't leave me now!"_

_She's almost there. Reaches out to grasp him but misses and stops short of falling past the cliff face. Her heart plummets as she sees his disappear over the edge, only to have it jump into her throat when he appears again, catching the wind under his wings and flying. _

_With horror she watches him begin to rise higher and higher into the sky. With the sun..._

_River gasps as she's knocked back. _

_With the sun...in her eyes..._

_River feels the rush as she swoops down and then glides up again. The wings span outwards and buffer her on the wind, pushing and pulling and beating against her body. _

_But she can't feel discomfort now. She's entranced by the sight of it. _

_The sun, the moon, the verse, the stars, the sky, the sea, the land, the Black. _

_She's rising higher and higher, where the air is is sweeter and sweeter..._

_The adrenaline shoots through her, making her eyes glassy and silver. _

_She hears something. Someone calling her back. _

"_Silence you old fool," voice is husky and not her own, "You will not stop me!"_

Sometimes flashes of temper. Flashes of ambition. Flashes of hubris.

Lashing out because she knows no one can stop her.

Dangerous.

So she holds back and stops herself before she goes too far.

But Icarus is not River. And today River is Icarus.

_These wings that are bound to her with leather straps cut into River's flesh and pollute her blood with Icarus. _

_She feels her soul grow larger and broader with his daring. _

_For a moment she's entranced by the sight illuminated by the sunlight and powerful like a god._

_The wind is thrilling under her soul and he makes her forget herself. _

_She hardly breathes twice._

_A voice she hasn't heard before, which fills her with dread, "You have no place in the realm of the gods."_

_It all unravels so fast. _

_Her wings begin to melt and drip red like blood._

_Blissful laughter turned into chilling screams._

_The one who tried to call her back falls to his knees and grips the rock, crying out as she plummets to her death. _

_River screams her arms arch back from the weight of the wings. _

_The air rushes up against them and she buckles from the strain. _

_She scrunches her eyes, doesn't want to see the world coming closer and closer. _

_Blood. Black._

_The voice returns, "You must leave this place now River."_

The sea around her evaporates.

She's nothing but atoms in space again.

Light vacuum pulls everything back into order.

Forces her fear and her terror down and calms her.

Darkness dissipates.

The sounds of the waves, and the wind, and the screams subside.

River opens her eyes and her throat.

Tastes the sweet, spiciness of azaleas on her tongue again.

Children are volatile and fickle and the ultimate in pragmatism.

This child knows no fear of falling from great heights.

She's has already forgotten the nightmare in the bright morning hours before lunch.

_River's climbing. _

_Branches are sturdy and dark brown, the leaves around her rustle as the breeze caresses them playfully. Below her stretches the grounds of the Tam Estate. An ocean of colourful blooms and painstakingly tended hedges, shrubs and a small forest of trees. _

_She's a girl again. Innocent and silly. Told her brother she could climb to the very top of the tallest tree in the garden and is determined to make him eat his words when he laughed at her and said she would chicken out. _

_She climbed to the highest branch she possibly could before she looked down and quaked a little at the height. Looked up, saw the blue sky through the gap in the branches and just kept climbing. _

"_River!"_

_Simon has come._

"_River, get down!" She ignores her brother and just keeps climbing. _

"_You're going to hurt yourself!" _

"_Well," she replies with confidence she certainly isn't feeling, "Best you get some practice bandaging and splintering broken bones before you become a doctor!" she calls back down to him._

"_If you don't get down I'm telling mum!"_

_Hardly a dangerous threat. It's not like mummy would take off her expensive high heels and come after River herself. Nothing short of that will stop her now. _

"_River – ow!" River stops and looks down quickly to see Simon sucking on his finger. He was never a climber like her. _

_Instead more shouting, "RIVER!"_

"_The Independents are using dinosaurs!" shouting something just to keep from thinking about looking down, "We've been cut off from out platoon!"_

"_River stop playing games!"_

"_No rations. We've gonna have to eat the men!"_

"_Okay!" Bargaining time because ultimately he knows the tree is not that high and his sister is so graceful and limber she's not likely to fall, but if she so much as grazes her knee, his parents are going to have his head, "Fine, I admit it okay! Girls can climb higher than boys - fine!"_

"_You admit it?" _

"_RIVER!" Warning, from an angry, protective older brother who loves her but still thinks she's a brat. Naturally. _

"_Your whole conclusions about..."_

"River!"

"_...my climbing abilities are..."_

"River?"

"_...entirely fallacious."_

"River, wo ling ni xianzai qichuang!"

_Wh...huh...Simon?_

River opens her eyes and blinks into the darkness.

"Simon...?"

* * *

REVIEWS PLEASE! 

Translations:

Wo ling ni xianzai qichuang – I order you to get up now: just FYI: my knowledge of mandarin is so minimal it's laughable so if this makes absolutely no sense to any native speaker readers I apologise profusely and hope you might be so kind as to tell me what the correct phrase would be.

Notes: "Lament of Icarus" by Herbert James Draper, 1898 (sometimes called the "Mourning for Icarus) - I can't link here for some reason, but you can find images at various sources on the net.


	26. Part 18 Section 2

**Part 18.2 – Hold My Hand**

River opens her eyes drowsily and takes a moment to get her bearings. The room's been thrown into darkness, except for a muted blue glow coming from behind her and River surmises that she must've been here some hours.

"Simon?"

When she moves to sit up, she winces at the slight twinge in her neck from sleeping at a strange angle on the long chaise. As she turns towards the vid screen it's brightness makes her pupils constrict suddenly and she blinks rapidly from the strain of trying to accommodate the glare of the screen. But she pushes the discomfort aside when a familiar voice calls out to her.

"River Tam I swear to God you are the heaviest sleeper in the history of the 'verse!"

"Simon!" River exclaims with delight, bouncing over to the screen.

"I'm surprised you're cogent enough to realise!" Simon said drolly, as his sister's face came into view "I've been trying to wake you up for the last ten minutes."

"Why didn't you get Mrs Mavel to wake me up you boob!" she says knuckling her eyes.

"The telefonix was set to auto-answer. It came straight through." He informed her, wondering why she was looking around the room as if she had lost something, "What are you doing?"

"Oh..." she shrugged vaguely, turning her large eyes back to him, "I uh...I thought you'd be working today?"

"I am...supposed to be," Simon admitted wincing sheepishly "...but I managed to get West to cover for me. I just hope no one actually needs a doctor because he might hurt himself trying to help."

River tutted warningly, but laughing in spite of herself "You better hope Dr Chen doesn't say anything about it to daddy…who knows what he'll do if he finds out you aren't doing your duty!"

Simon chuckled, and said rather vaguely "Yes well...there is more to life than work I've found out recently."

River laughed lightly and looked at her brother narrowly, wondering what it was he was really smiling about. An inkling began to bubble away in her brain...

"Like what?" she asked carefully, trying to look congenial.

"Oh um..." Simon made a face, like he had just caught himself saying something he ought not and shook his head dismissively, "It's not important." He looked away for a second before saying, "So um...how's...everyone?"

River, unconvinced, raised an arch eyebrow and levelled a pointed glare at her brother, "What's happened?"

Simon chuckled, but River found it was a tight laugh and she notices the way he pursed his lips which he does when something's concerning him.

"Happened? No, of course nothing's happened..." Simon chuckled, but River finds that it's not quite a true laugh and she's suspicious.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes of course...well..." he begins guiltily, "I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in awhile. It's just been crazy here and you've been busy as well."

"Yeah..." she replied lightly still smiling, seeing that he wanted to say more. "No harm done..."

She watched Simon cast his eyes down and take a pause before saying in quite a different voice, "And um...Dad waved me...he told me you've decided on the Academy."

River's smile faded slightly, she blinked, taking a moment to think of what to say but all she could come up was "Yeah…" She looked down at her hands which she had folded in her lap.

A tense pause, and then "Are you sure River?"

River raised her head at the urgency in his voice.

"Well...I..." she began to say slowly, but her brother interjects.

"I thought you wanted to dance?"

River bit her lip, "It's not that easy Simon..."

"What do you mean it's not that easy? Look," he says before she can reply, "The Dance Academy here in Capital City is holding auditions for next year's intake. You could try out. I know you'd get in without breaking a sweat!"

"Oh Simon I..." River makes a face as his words play back to her in her head, "Wait... how in the 'verse did you get information like that..." she laughs slightly with curiosity but suddenly, her expression lightens as something (which her brother doesn't see quite yet) dawns upon her. "Oh..." Her own pangs forgotten, she regards him with a pointed smile, "She's a ballerina isn't she?" come the questions, crisp and teasing, "The new girl you like."

Simon starts, caught off guard "How did you-" he stops himself before he can betray himself further "I mean..." he says dismissively (but not terribly convincingly) "...there's no girl!"

River snorted rolling her eyes, "Don't lie to me Simon, I can read you like an open book!"

"Ha!" expostulates Simon unamused, "We're talking about you and your future here, not me!"

She grinned teasingly, "So what's her name? Something worthy of an Osiris debutante… Miffy perhaps? Or JoJo? Is it Cookie? Oh! What about Candy…" after a second, she added with an impish gleam in her eye "with an 'i'?"

"I am NOT discussing this with you River!" replied her harassed older brother, caught half-way between laughter and mortification. What was it with people teasing him about his love life! "You are such a brat!"

"Oh come on…" River wheedles adorably, "How about the first letter? I bet I can guess it."

"Enough!" emphasises Simon, trying to look authoritative.

River pouted, "Fine," she said a little stiffly, "...if you didn't want to talk why did you wave me?"

Simon levels her with a pointed look, "River come on, I just wanted to see how you were doing that's all. I know it's hard for you..."

River made a face, knowing what he was alluding to and not liking it.

He continued unaware of her slight annoyance, "And this dance thing, look, if it's..." he winced and sighed a little, before lowering his voice, "if this has got anything to do with mother, I think you're making a mistake."

River frowned, "What about mummy?"

"River come on. I know how much you want to make her proud of you and believe me she is. But this is your life, you have to live it the way you want to."

River bristled, "I'm not a little girl, you can't just assume..." she closed her eyes and bit her lip, looking away and taking a moment to calm herself, "This is just something I have to do..." she said in a subdued voice after a second.

"Well..." Simon pursed his lips looking unconvinced, "I'll get home as soon as I can before Monday and we can talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about Simon," came the firm answer, "It's sorted."

"I know I haven't been there for you as much as I should-"

"Simon," his name is said firmly, but without impatience. Simon frowns at the interjection. He realises suddenly that something has changed about this sister, though for the life of him he cannot figure it out. Suddenly her face softens, and her smile becomes affectionate again, but her words remain firm and strangely mature, "I'm alright, really."

"River I know you can look after yourself but you don't know-"

"You can't be there to hold my hand all the time Simon." River doesn't realise the effect she's having on her brother. She doesn't realise she's put him a little on edge, "I have to grow up some time."

Simon gulps discreetly. For a moment neither of them saying anything.

To cover the tension Simon laughs nervously, trying not to show how disconcerted he is, "I'm your older brother remember?" he jokes dismissively, "Protective instincts and all that…plus I haven't seen you face to face for so long..."

"I miss you too Simon..."

The softness in her voice that is more familiar to Simon makes him meet her eyes straight on. He feels the tension between them melt away when she nods and smiles at him in a way which makes him knows it's all going to be okay. The tightness around her mouth is gone, and it's his mei mei again.

"I'm going to Ariel tomorrow. I'll wave you when I get back."

"Well in that case, try to get back quickly! I'm expecting many gifts when you return home!" She quips, grinning broadly.

Simon returns her smile in a brotherly way and reaches up and places his fingers against the screen. River does the same, and for a moment, they're together again.

"Bye you," Simon sing-songs before he signs off.

The screen goes blank and River let's the smile she's plastered to her face slide off like a heavy sandbag. She wipes her eyes with a soft hand, hoping Simon didn't realise she was tearing up and slumping against her chair, sinks sadly into it's plushness.

* * *

REVIEWS PLEASE! 


	27. Part 19

**Part 19 – Distraction**

He looked exactly like the Prince Charming she had imagined when she was a little girl. Handsome and chivalrous, with soft hands and smile which melted her resolve in a second. Her weakness under his charms made Nadine slightly ashamed her herself, but one look at the tenderness in Simon's eyes and all she wanted to do was to dissolve into the bliss of romance and forget that it was all going to end so soon.

A thousands times she might've told him in those days leading up until today. Every time she steeled herself, readied herself to make that admission that would shatter this beautiful a world they had built up around themselves, she would take one look at him and her courage would waver and fade like a candle in a blustering tempest.

"When I get back from Ariel I'm going home for a couple of days," those meaningful words, had made Nadine close her eyes with heartache. "You could come with me...?" a quiet, slightly nervous suggestion, and eyes which believed in a future and a promise of things to come made her ache with guilt.

Nadine tries to speak but the words won't form. Her throat feels twisted and tight, and she gently holds her quivering lower lip between her teeth. The silence itself is painful.

"Nadine?"

Her eyes snap open as she stares into the half-darkness of the room. She's so conscious of Simon's arms around her.

"...Yes Simon?" comes the belated acknowledgement.

A sinking feeling as Simon sits up on his elbow and leans over her shoulder, "Did you hear me?"

"...Yeah..."

"And...?"

Nadine scrunched eyes together tightly and opened them again.

A beat.

She can almost feel him blinking at her. "Nadine...what's going on?"

His voice is so soft and loving that she almost loses control, throwing her arms around his neck and burying her face into his broad shoulder, "Oh Simon..." desperation as hands warmly stroking her back, but they do little to soothe the rattling in her head.

Simon's soft voice "Hey come on," he sits her up and pushing her back, with his hands on her shoulders, "Tell me..."

She wants to burst into tears which she makes sure she doesn't do. Instead she fixes him with her bright direct blue eyes in such a way to draw from him a nervous laugh.

"It can't be that bad..." his words are light but she feels the tenseness in his form, "Nadine?"

Nadine drags a soft hand across his face. _God he's so beautiful._

"I got in."

Simple words that had caused such joy and such sadness in her at the same time.

Simon's reaction is not quite so complicated - "Oh my God that's fantastic!" he exclaimed excitedly, "...why didn't you tell me before? We should celebrate! What about I take you out-"

"Simon..." she whispers his name, stemming the flow.

"What?"

His smile fades. And he stares at her his eyes troubled and dark.

"There's something else..."

A hand on hers suddenly gripping it, "Nadine whatever it is I'll be there-"

"No..." Nadine can't look him in the eye, "It's not like that..."

"Then what?"

She ignored the tug of guilt at her heart strings and said, "If I'm serious about this..." and took a moment before forcing herself to say words she had rehearsed a hundred times in her head, "I can't have any distractions."

He frowns, "But what..." suddenly he is silent for a moment as the weight of what she had just said fell on his shoulders and soaked into his skin. "Oh...oh I see..." was all he could say. He nodded with understanding and hands dropped from her shoulders and he stood up, moving away from her. Nadine felt the separation so keenly she almost broke down again.

"I'm sorry Simon...it's just-"

"Are you sure...?" his voice was suddenly so medical and cold that it blurred Nadine's vision. But she could tell that he wasn't looking at her anymore. In fact he had turned his face from her, and was listlessly staring out the window adjacent to where they had been lying together just a moment ago.

Nadine covertly wiped her welling eyes and replied, "I am." she continued, "It's just...you only get to be a dancer for ten years, fifteen if you don't get injured," she added darkly, "...and with my track record I doubt I will make it that far."

"I mean..." he went on as if he hadn't heard her, "That I would be a..._distraction_?"

"Buddha save me, Simon you have no idea." She suddenly said in quite a different voice, which made him turn around, "You're so distracting...I sometimes wished I'd _broken _my ankle."

"Really?" He said, his voice tinged with scepticism

Nadine made a face, flushing at her irresponsible comment and dropping her eyes.

"Didn't think so..."

Nadine gasped with indignation and rose to her feet. His words had cut her deeply "How dare you-!"

But suddenly, to Nadine's surprise he began chuckling, from deep in his throat. He put a hand over his eyes and continued to laugh quietly to himself.

"Simon..." Nadine prodded, worried that this was the beginning to of a hysterical episode, "Simon what's wrong with you?" she snapped angrily.

To her relief, his laughter soon faded. At length he managed to say with a very slight smile on his face. "Nothing's wrong...but I've been..._less_...bad..."

Nadine's face fell and she sat down again, tensely on the edge of her seat. They were silent for awhile, before Simon spoke up.

"I'm sorry, that wasn't...I shouldn't have...I don't even know why..." Nadine nodded but did not look at him as he stammered for the right words.

"Neither do I..." she agreed darkly.

"I...I guess...it's the same with me. Being a surgeon...I wouldn't really have the time to give you the attention you deserve."

Nadine raised her head sharply and stared at him.

"This is your dream and you have every right to pursue it..." he nodded, "I won't stand in your way but I care about you a lot Nadine...I hope we'll always be..." he gulped convulsively, looking so vulnerable that Nadine couldn't help herself.

Before she had realised she had gotten to her feet and strode across the room towards him, she was pressing a passionate kiss to Simon's lips. "You're a good man Simon..." she whispered ardently, with such conviction and fierceness that her eyes glowed, "_you_ deserve someone who can give _you_ the attention_ you_ deserve."

He gave her a tiny smile and stroked her hair and her cheek, staring up into her eyes like he would be happy to quietly dissolve in them and disappear, "You're breath-taking you know that? You had me the minute you walked through the door at the hospital. I've never met anyone like you." he murmured.

Nadine started ever so slightly, suddenly feeling the air around her suddenly change. His fluency in saying this surprised her a little. The first few times he had tried to compliment her, he'd been so embarrassed he's botched it. She cocked her head to the side, a smile reflecting his still playing at her lips as she said in a voice with a little of her usual light hearted playfulness, "You're pretty shuai yourself."

A tiny hiccup of laughter escaped Simon as he said with droll irony, "I should've been a dancer...then we could've gone together."

"Do you think you could've handled the tights?"

"Oh jeez..." Simon groaned, making Nadine laugh. And then she took his face in her hands and kissed him.

Many uncounted moments later they had still not said a word to each other, even though they were now sitting very close together on the couch. Nadine rested her chin on his chest, and revelled in the feeling of his hands slowly moving up and down her back. He seemed to be staring at the roof, his distraction showing in the unfocused quality of his eyes. The regular rhythm of his breathing sent her into a light doze but his voice, soft like the material of his shirt, brought her back.

"This really sucks you know?"

"Like a black hole..." Nadine agreed, miserable despite her witty reply.

"I want to say that if it's meant to be, it'll work out right...but that makes it worse doesn't it?"

Nadine buried her face into his shoulder.

"But I want to ask you something."

"Anything Simon..."

He sat up, pushing her up with him and held her upper arms, his eyes boring into her cool blue ones, "Why did you get involved with me if you knew it wasn't going anywhere?"

"Because," Nadine replied, her eyes wide and bright with honesty and love, "I couldn't NOT be with you..."

* * *

Notes: 

Egad, long time no post! Sick with flu and suffocating under weight of many assignments – issues, issues, issues. In any case, I haven't forgotten this fic...but we're kinda near the end now. Not to fear, not much longer!

1. "You only get to be a dancer for ten years...etc" - Shamelessly stolen from Centre Stage movie; usual disclaimers; not mine, not making money etc

2. "Black holes suck" - something I remember being stuck to the wall next to my desk in year 8 science - awful clever ain't it? In any case, not mine!


	28. Part 20

**Part 20 -Homecoming **

Simon has barely planted his feet on the gravel when a little slip of a thing, dressed in a sweet green dress, rushes him in a flurry of joyful squeals. He hugs his sister back and smiles over her head just as his father appears at the top of the stair, a grin mirrored across his face.

Simon raises his eyes to the house, knowing she's there for some reason. Standing at the window, looking down at them, with her piercing eyes half-lidded, and her elegant arms crossed across her body. River tugs on his hand to get his attention and his father comes out to welcome his son, disposing of Simon's bags into the handling of an obliging driver with a polite, succinct order and before he ushers his son into the house with a proud arm wrapped around his shoulders.

Simon eyes go to the window once more, but it's empty now. He smiles at his father who says something about how empty the house has been without him, but can't help wondering if the house is haunted.

* * *

From the Author: 

I realise it's been ages since my last post but now I'm holidays I can devote more time to my writing. This was a short post, but I'm just sort of getting back in 'the mode' - I am absolutely determined to finish this fic so please stay posted for more! - esprit noir


	29. Part 21

**Part 21 - Foolish**

"_What is it?"_

_Robert took it from her hands and smiled as if he were recalling a fond memory, "It's wonderfully crafted isn't it?"_

"_But what is it?"_

"_Would you believe me if I told you?"_

_She sneered a little, impatient with his games. _

_Robert sighed sadly and began to speak, in the same measured tone that he would use in his lectures, "Are you at all familiar with the 'Bedouin'?"_

_She paused for a moment to think, trailing a finger across her lips as she was wont to do whenever she was trying to recall an answer, "Desert-dwellers..." she said at last, turning her face up, and focusing her bright eyes on him, "Nomadic tribes of the desert belt extending from the Atlantic coast of the Sahara to the Arabian Desert on Earth-That-Was. Correct?"_

_Robert nodded slowly, pushing his glasses up onto the bridge of his nose, "Yes, clearly you can read a text book. At least I know I'm getting my money's worth sending you to that college."_

_There were fiery darts in the look she gave him. She huffed indignantly at the taunt but bit back the cutting retort that threatened to spill from her lips. Instead she said, "Well are you going to tell me or not?"_

_He continued to survey her over the tops of his glasses, before turning back to the item in his hands. "Of course," came the weary reply, as he continued with his mini-lecture, "It's called a tassa bil basha. The Bedouin culture has a great many rules governing all parts of their life so naturally, crime had it's punishment. This," he put the long metal spoon down on the table for emphasis, "...was a tool used in a ritual known as Bisha'a." he raised his eyes to see that she was listening, "An ordeal by fire, reserved for the most serious of crimes. And mostly, where there were no witnesses to it. A sort of, primitive lie detector if you will."_

_He saw her cringe the tiniest bit and seemed satisfied, "The blackish metal of the spoon was heated until it was burning red hot. The Mubesha, the main official presiding over the ritual would hear both sides of the story from the accused and the accuser and then, the accused would be forced to drag his tongue over the metal three times. The idea being here that if the accused was not guilty, by the true light of God he would not be hurt, but blistering or scarring and burns were a sign that he was lying and thus, would be dealt his punishment...does that answer your question?"_

_She stood up and moved towards the table, picked up the spoon and began to turn it over slowly in her delicate hands, "Foolish voodoo rituals," she said contemptuously before placing it carefully back on the table. _

"_Well," Robert said in his usual congenial tone, "No doubt most people preferred to make their getaway in the dead of night than have their tongue burnt so..." he shrugged and took a sat back in his favourite arm chair. He looked at her still standing at the table looking at it. _

_For a moment she said nothing. But then, in quite a calm voice she asked "When you said punishment...you meant being put to death didn't you?"_

_Robert jumped, pulled out of the reverie into which he had sunk. _

_She was just staring at him. Her clear eyes, unclouded and her being perfectly still. _

"_Yes." Came his shaky answer. "Yes that's it."_

_She nodded her head and then, "You will leave it to me won't you?"_

_Robert inhaled sharply, caught between a chill and anger. The way she was looking at him, he couldn't tell if she was being morbid, or just plain cheeky. _

"_Why in the 'verse would you want such a thing?"_

_She shrugged carelessly, "I don't know...the same reason you acquired it I suppose." _

"_I was going to donate it to the Museum...why do you want it, Regan?"_

_For a second there was silence. And she just stood there running her fingers gently over the handle. Then, turned up her chin defiantly and flashed him a smile, speaking words which chilled Robert to the very core:_

"_Just something to remember you by."_

* * *

"Just something to remember you by," Mathias hisses taking the disk which holds Taverley's lifetime of research, which Taverley himself was about to incinerate before two guards and Dr Mathias came crashing through the door.

Taverley looks at the gun in Mathias's hand and sighs, "Is that really necessary?"

"Well I am going to kill you!"

"But a _gun _Mathias? Such a crude instrument...don't you think? Makes any bumbling fool a killer. There is no art in it."

"The only art here, is the pattern your brain will make splattered on the wall."

"Ugh," Taverley cringed, "Apart from that vulgar comment just now..." he shrugged, "I bear you no ill will Mathias. You're just doing what you're told. Exactly the sort of person the Alliance needs. I would've done the same thing."

Taverley's words only seem to enrage Mathias who stares at him with such coldness that Taverley feels himself shiver. He winces as he feels the gun suddenly, shuddering against his temple.

"Any last words before I blow your brains to oblivion _Robert_?"

"You'll do well here Mathias...but you must be careful."

"Careful of what?" Mathias snarled "I'm untouchable now!"

That pride of yours…" his words are slurred slight, "that ambition will bring you to your end." Taverley sighed, "I knew it would never come to any good. It seems I should have listened to my own advice."

"Finished now? Good…" Mathias releases the safety, but there's something intangible holding him back. It's Taverley's voice. Even bound, and old, Taverley scares him.

"You've killed me Mathias. I'll accept that. I deserve it. No question. But I'm asking you, remember they're just children. My children. Don't hurt them…"

Mathias sneered, "Shut up old man…" and pulled the trigger.

* * *

**Reviews please!!! **

* * *

Notes:

1. Credit to Wikipedia and www(dot)jordanjubilee(dot)com for Bedouin info

2. Italics in first section denote 'past' events - mirroring of past chapters is intentional, it's not that I'm running out of ideas hahaha...


	30. Part 22

**Part 22 – The Last Night**

"_It's your party River, you have to be there."_

River rolls her eyes, and suppresses the urge to groan.

A small dinner her mother had proposed. A small dinner party she still insists even when she orders that a hundred off places be set at the table.

It was highly irregular. To throw a farewell party on such short notice. But the Tams were who they were and people still showed up.

On the night of the party, River watches the guests arrive from her bedroom window. Sleek skycars and state-of-the-art shuttles and even some ground vehicles come up the drive - Toys for the rich.

She turns to look at herself in the mirror. For the first time ever, she's chosen her own dress. For once she doesn't feel pulled and pinched and primped. A beautiful pale pink calf length dress with thin layers of ethereal material which made a satisfying swish when she moved. A matching shrug over her shoulders and a pair of shoes that reminded her so much of ballet slippers that she hadn't quite known how she was supposed to feel about putting them on.

For once her hair was out around her shoulders. It was quite long now, just a few inches below her shoulders. Mummy had always insisted that her hair be up and out of her face whenever they went to a party but looking at herself now, River couldn't help but be satisfied with her appearance.

The noise from downstairs is getting louder. A knock at the door, "Miss River? Madame Tam requests that you join her downstairs."

River obeys the summons makes her way towards the stairs. She slowly descends the stairs, but stops mid way. She feels the nerves rise up as she looks down at the swarm.

They glitter and swim. A sea of silks, and satins and diamonds, champagne and money.

River stands on the stairway, gripping the banister until her knuckles turn white, for fear of being tossed overboard and drowned.

Simon appears at her side, her lifesaver, someone to steer her clear through the storm. He

takes her hand and almost unwillingly hands River over to her mother who appears at the foot of the stairs.

For a moment, River stands for her mother's inspection. A habit borne out of a lifetime of looking for approval.

A slight nod.

River's breathes a little sigh of relief.

"Come along, there are people you must meet."

River is shown off in the usual fashion. Says all the right things. Knows to smile and curtsy at the right moment. Exactly as she's been taught.

The noise bubbles, and flows like the champagne. Lips, tongue, throat. Voices.

"_Congratulations River."_

The smiles are warped.

"_How proud you must be Mrs Tam."_

The titter of amusement.

"_You have very remarkable children Gabriel."_

The floating chandelier is too bright.

"_We always knew to expect great things for our little River."_

The stifling heat, stunts and stammers.

"_And her brother, a trauma surgeon – and so young!"_

Silks, satins, swamp the room.

"_I never saw a better looking family!"_

Faces, blur and merge. Titles and names muddle and swirl together. Ambassadors and politicians, braying debutantes, and their horrid brothers. Beautiful Companions, military personnel. Business Moguls, and Alliance officials. Trophy wives, distant relatives. Celebrities, artists, scholars, writers.

Among them Harvey's parents. And even the cretin himself.

Tosses her glances over dinner. River pretends not to see him. Goes out of her way the entire night to avoid him except his parents think she's too suitable and coerce her into dancing with him.

They make a graceful couple. Lady Ando is making plans. A few suggestive comments Reagan Tam's direction which are rebuffed icily. But Lady Ando doesn't care too much. No one more suitable for her darling Harvey. The birth, the money, the breeding and the beauty.

"She's only fourteen Mama", Lady Ando's eldest daughter drawls disgusted with her mother. Geraldine places a sensitive hand over her stomach where a secret child grows. Imagine the scandal. The father is the gardener's assistant. So utterly Lady Chatterley-esque that a smug Geraldine Ando laughs to herself. Geraldine smiles to think of her mother's face. Lady Ando will explode.

In the corner Mr Tam's business partners are getting drunk. As they play cards, the stakes get higher and higher. Someone's bet his children. The rolling of eyes. Caelan Tang is the stupidest man on the face of the earth. It's almost too sad for words.

Simon isn't looking all too chipper himself at this point. He waves off River's questions with an affectionate dismissive hand. The disappointment comes off him like waves. McKenzie Tobert is batting her eyelashes at him with such determination River's surprised her brother hasn't been blown away to the other side of the room. Simon's a gentleman so he smiles and nods but his dark mood settles over his chest like a weight.

More laughter. But too loud. Too crass.

River breathes…and falters.

She's missed a step and reprimanded sharply.

Dancing around like _this_, weighs on her heart. She hates it.

But she knows it'll be over soon. The music will stop and she won't have to dance for anyone but herself.

Tomorrow, it'll be like, it never was.

Tomorrow, she'll be like, she never was.


	31. Part 23 Section 1

Part 23

**Part 23.1 – Leave Taking**

The shuttle arrives almost indecently early in the morning.

But it doesn't matter, because River has been awake for hours. She takes a look around her room, when driver arrives to take her luggage.

She walks along the hallway, touching the walls with her fingers, savouring the soft feeling of the carpet under her feet.

She passes her father's study, breathes in the smell of his cigars and dark wood furniture.

She stops. Smells the perfume of blossom. She stands in the door way. And regards the statue posed on the chaise by the window.

Regan's hair falls down past her shoulders. Waves of auburn, against porcelain white skin. The perfect profile. River still cannot believe how beautiful her mother is.

She takes two steps into the room.

"Mummy...I'm leaving now."

Regan turns around in her seat and stands. River is struck by her elegance. She knows she's inherited that from her mother. And more perhaps.

"River…" Regan walks forward to meet her, silken kimono swirling around her feet.

She stops. They do not touch.

Mummy's eyes slide from River's feet to her hair in a swift glance. Approval. But fingers reach up to tuck her daughter's hair behind her shoulder.

"You've everything you need?"

"Yes mummy..."

"Good." There's no need to remind River of her behaviour. The Tams have always just taken it as a matter of course that their children know that what is expected of them in that matter. But she says it anyway, as she straightens River's attire and hair, "Remember who you are. And what the Family expects of you…you're a Tam…" The words are so expected River almost mouths them along with her.

Tension.

Mummy is looking at her with such serious intent that River doesn't quite know what to make of it.

"Will you miss me?" River asks softly.

River hiccups with shock as her mother's hands suddenly grasp her upper arms.

"I-I…" River has never seen her mother stammer. "Of course…River…of course I'll miss you." River tries not to shrink as her mother's eyes bore into her.

.

Mummy leans in close to River, and her grip on River's arms tighten. Her words, puncture River's calm, in a low insistent voice, and with something like fear in her voice, she demands - "Don't be angry with me River."

For a moment mother and daughter freeze together. The words spin around in the air between them.

River's kiss on her mother's cheek shocks Mrs Tam. The surprise in her eyes makes River smile slightly.

"I'm not angry with you..." River replies, "I just wish you weren't so angry with yourself."

"Things will be better when you get back…I promise…"

River gives a little smile, and pulls away.

Reagan watches her beautiful, perfect child leave her life, stepping through the door in a deep purple dress.

Regan goes to the window, she waits. After a moment, the figure of her daughter, followed by her husband and son appear.

She presses her hands against the glass. Glass. It was always between Reagan and the rest of the world. Even now, as she looked at them take her daughter away from her for the last time, Reagan would never get past the glass. Maybe that was her punishment.


	32. Part 23 Section 2

Chapter 23

**Part 23.2 – Final Goodbye**

Gabriel hugs his daughter so tight he almost squeezes the breath out of her. A kiss on her forehead, "I know you'll make me proud River."

"I love you daddy."

"I love you too princess."

River releases her father and turns to Simon. He reaches out for her hand.

They converse with their eyes.

_River...we can go now...just say the word and I'll take you away..._

_I'm alright Simon...don't worry..._

_River-_

_It's done Simon..._

Simon pulls her into a hug.

"Promise me you'll write to me Simon…"

"I will mei mei," he assures her, with more confidence than he feels.

"Don't worry Simon," she whispers in his ear, being strong for him, like he has always been strong for her, "I'll be back before you know it."

Simon nods and pulls back.

River swallows the lump in her throat and smiles, closing her eyes and stemming the tears which threaten to fall.

Simon playfully punches her cheek gently telling her not to be a baby and disgrace them both in a way designed to make her laugh.

River walks towards the shuttle. She turns and takes a last look at the house.

"Excuse me Miss Tam, but we must depart now. Dr Mathias is waiting for us." The pilot says standing by the door.

River looks at him over her shoulder, with those clear, sharp eyes of hers. For a moment it seems she is about to say something. But she merely nods and silently steps into the shuttle.


	33. Part 23 Section 3

_**As the shuttle flies higher and higher into the sky, River feels the fear lump in her throat. **_

"_**Do you know if I'll be able to call my family when we arrive?" she asks. **_

_**But she gets no answer. **_


	34. Part 24

**Part 24 – A Lifetime in Seconds**

_Tam Estate 2014_

"Simon's right you know…"

Regan stilled imperceptibly for a moment, her fingers frozen in mid air, as she regards her husband's reflection in the mirror of her vanity.

"These letters..." Gabriel continues, as he leans meditatively against a chest of drawers, "They're very peculiar..."

Regan, having collected herself, picks up a comb and begins to brush her hair. "Don't be foolish Gabriel," she says lightly, although her eyes are wary and wide, "It's just one of her games...like I told you."

Gabriel shakes his head and begins to pace again restlessly, "But they don't sound like her. I might wave Mathias tomorrow...surely I could-"

"Gabriel," Regan's hands are cool through the material of his shirt. Gabriel turns around, surprised to find his wife so alluringly close suddenly, "River is just trying to get attention. If we've discussed this once, we have discussed a thousand times. We both agreed that sending her to the Academy was the only way she's learn some responsibility. It's difficult, but we have to say no!"

Gabriel regarded his wife with an unreadable expression, and without realising it took a step back from her, "Regan," he began pointedly in a low voice, "She's fourteen. Why are you being so hard on her?" he reached the other side of the room and then turned around, fixing her with a stern gaze, "I'm not oblivious Regan, and I know you aren't either. You know as well as I do how much sway you have over River. I'm not saying you forced her but...it couldn't hurt to bring her home for awhile." Gabriel ignored the look his wife gave him and continued, "She'd miss her school friends, and start to get bored again and before you know it she'd be begging for us to send her back."

Regan turned away from her husband angrily, "You don't understand!"

When she didn't get a reply, she looked back to see he was still just staring at her with a look in his eyes which almost broke her heart. "Gabriel," she strode forward, pretending not to notice that he grimaced when she put her hands on him, "You don't think so but it hurts me as much as it does you not to have her here. She's my daughter, and I love her! I do this out of love _can't you see that_!?" The desperation in her voice left a moist rip in the air between them.

Gabriel took his wife's hands that had risen to cup his face. He looked at them sadly, turning them over and running his thumb over the smooth pale skin. Then he looked up at her face and said in a voice that chilled her to the marrow, "No..."

* * *

_Tam Estate February 2017_

"_What is this?!"_ Gabriel hissed, his voice filled with hard outrage. He glares angrily at the man standing on the other side of his desk.

"Warrants, Gabriel. For Simon and River Tam. Fugitives of the Alliance."

"This..._no_...." Gabriel's heart breaks and his world crumbles. Reuben's words turns everything to dust. Freeze.

"I'm sorry Gabriel..." Reuben said, his voice detached and impersonal, "There was nothing I could do..." he shook his head, "Good bye…"

_Tam Estate April 2017_

Regan sat nervously on the edge of her seat in the darkness of the drawing room, only illuminated by the glow of the 'fireplace'. The rest of the house is silent and frozen. The ticking of the antique clock in the corner of the room was the only thing which kept Regan from going insane. It's steady, heart beat reminding her to breathe and blink.

The slam of the door, and the shuffling of Mrs Mavel drew Regan to her feet. She slid open the door which led to the hall and came face to face with her husband.

"Where's Simon!?" She asked anxiously, looking around, "Is he alright!?" The empty, angry look in Gabriel's eyes was more than she could take.

She grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him violently, "GABRIEL! WHERE IS MY SON?"

She gasped as he threw her off roughly, stumbling on the slippery floor and bruising herself as she fell.

"Oh ma'am!" Mrs Mavel cried going to help her up, but Regan took no notice of her. She couldn't take her eyes off the man standing before her.

Eyes were darker than she had ever seen them before.

His face, crevassed and grey like an old man.

Pain had corroded the laugh lines and his faith.

Gabriel..." she hissed desperately, quivering with fear.

His love for her turns to dust.

Gabriel looks at his wife, but finds he can't stomach her.

* * *

_Tam Estate April 2017_

Outside the rain was coming down. Strange on a planet, where the terraforming had come off basically without a glitch. Bad weather was not exactly something which characterised the central planets.

Gabriel moves like a robot. Mechanically because he has lost his soul. He has heard all Regan has to say, the whole story – and he can never forgive her.

_Lightning Flashes._

"Gabriel don't..." the woman shakes her head...

_Thunder roars._

"You promised me you wouldn't..."

_Rain beats down and bruises the earth. _

"Gabriel I love you!"

_Water runs and ruins. Runs and ruins. _

"Don't leave me!"

_Her words shatter all around her. Dancing on her flesh and bleeding out her strength. _

"Gabriel..." A final plea, "It was for love!"

Regan feels the tears running down her face, etching rivers of pain in her flesh. "It was never meant to touch you!"

She takes a last look at the man she called her husband before he disappears, slamming the door behind him and shattering the last ounce of strength Regan has in her.

"He promised me it would never happened." As Mrs Mavel helps her to her feet, the woman murmurs to the ghost of her love, "He _promised_..."

* * *

_Onboard Serenity 2018_

"River?"

He heard her crying at night, in her bunk. Sobbing softly, but as if her heart was breaking.

"I miss her Simon...I wanna go home."

"We can't mei mei."

"She's breaking Simon...she needs me to put the pieces back together."

He doesn't understand. He doesn't care. He only cares about her. He strokes her hair and tries to sooth her.

"I'm sorry mei mei...things...we can't back now. Maybe in the future..."

_"It's all too late for me darling," _

Simon jerks back with shock. It's as if his mother's in the room. For a split second she's in River's voice and in her eyes.

River looks at him, she whispers, in a voice that is not her own "I'm sorry…"

Then suddenly the vision fades, and it is River looks back at him. The tears start afresh and Simon can nothing but hold her close.

* * *

_2020 Graylands Medical Facility_

"Can she see us?"

"No…"

Dr Mano, a new attending at the Graylands Medical Facility, looks through the clear glass wall of a room, where a woman, clearly deranged mutters to her and pounds on the floor with her fist, "Has she been here for long?"

Dr Senn presses a few buttons on the panel attached to the wall and brings up a medical chart, he reads "She had a breakdown about a month ago. Tried to kill herself and a maid apparently...her husband had her committed. She tends to have violent episodes…which is why we keep her away from the other patients." He adds, "We've made a special study of Regan. You will see," he handed the details to her colleague "We've never seen anything like it. She was a time bombing waiting to happen – it's almost...almost like she's an experiment gone wrong."

Dr Mano casts her eyes over the statistics and graphs that Dr Senn has given to her. She hardly understands what she's reading. "Oh my God..." she says involuntarily.

Dr Senn seems pleased with this response, "Extraordinary isn't it?"

"What are we doing for her?"

"Meds mostly…we are still running tests. She hasn't been responding to the treatment so fa-AH!"

The two doctors jump back with shock, as the woman throws herself at the clear glass wall between them. She seems to look through the glass, and into their eyes.

Dr Mano is an experienced and skilled doctor. She has seen the many terrible ways in which the body and the mind can malfunction. Nothing shocks her nowadays. But the woman's whose eyes are boring a hole into her head send an icy chill of fear down her spine.

"Are you sure she can't see us?" Dr Mano says in a quivering voice, half joking in spite of her very real fear.

As she watches, the woman's smile becomes twisted and sinister, "Silent memories...silent memories...shhh....they might hear you...can't ever say...they'll eat you all up until there's nothing left."

She bursts into haunting hysterical laughter. And then, as if she is suddenly possessed, she stops. Glares at them, as if she can see through the glass, and then, without warning, screams and violently begins to bang her head of the glass.

Dr Senn presses the alarm, and at once, from a hidden door at the back of a cell, two men appear and manage to wrestle her down.

"Nurse!" Dr Senn enters the security pin and opens the door and enters. A young nurse, wielding a mean looking syringe pushes past Dr Mano Dr Mano follows close behind him. He takes a large needle handed to him by another nurse and administers the sedative.

Slowly, the woman calms down. But she is still fighting the grip of the nurses.

"It's alright now Regan…" he soothes, as they get her back onto a bed and strap her in,

Dr Mano goes to the woman's side, by instinct she turns on the monitors and checks the patient's vitals.

"You dosed her with enough soother to bring down an elephant!" she says almost accusingly.

Dr Mano takes this well and smiles at her, _"_She'll be fine. _My girl always comes through for me in the end…" _


	35. Part 25 Conclusion

**Part 25 – Barely A Moment**

_Tam Estate, 2506_

A wonderful morning, followed by a wonderful afternoon. A soft, sweet breeze whistles through the trees, and the sun casts a warm golden blanket over the land.

Regan, Gabriel and their children enjoy the sun as it begins to slowly set. Gabriel and Regan lounge together, swinging back and forth on the garden seat. Simon and River are playing.

"I wish it could always be like this..." Regan smiles. Gabriel raises her hand and kisses it.

The peace is broken by the soft metallic swoosh of the back door as it opens, and then closes.

Regan looks towards her house and sees Mrs Mavel coming towards them.

"Mrs Tam, I'm sorry but...there's a gentleman here...he says he wishes to speak with you."

Gabriel gives his wife a rueful look, and whispers in an undervoice, "Spoke too soon."

Regan shared a look with her husband and got to her feet, "Did he say who he was?"

"He said his name was...Robert Taverley..." she replied, as if she doubted the truth of this, "I've shown him into the red sitting room."

Gabriel watched his wife grow pale and nervous upon the mention of the name.

"Regan? What's the matter?"

She shakes her head, forcing a smile, "It's alright...just stay here with the children. I'll be back in a moment." She gave him an encouraging smile and disappeared into the house.

She walks down the hall, her chest tight with anxiety. Regan stops outside the sitting room door, her hand hovering just above the door handle. For the slightest of moments she contemplats turning back but just like with everything, she throws her heart over and pushes the door open.

Upon her entrance, a man, who had been standing at the window, turned around. He is past his prime, but has about him, an air of vibrant energy and elegance. It shines through his eyes, as young as full of life as they ever were, though they are framed by wrinkles. There is a portliness, around his middle, but his height made this forgivable. He was dressed with a certain degree of gentlemanly nattiness, in a casual cream suit and light blue striped shirt.

"Regan..." a slow smile grows on his face, his voice is cultured and soft, "I had forgotten how beautiful you are." The compliment is excessive and slightly theatrical, but there is no hint of extravagance in his voice. "You know who I am?"

The door slams behind Regan. Her expression has turned to stone. Her voice was just as hard. "As much as I would wish it, it's surprisingly hard to forget the father who abandoned me when I was nine years old." Regan sneered.

Taverley seemed to accept this and shrugged amiably "Cardinal was a good replacement I dare say…he made a better father than I would've ever done."

"What do you want?" Regan demanded without wasting time to hear him. "Is it money?"

"Oh no…I have sufficient funds for my needs, thank you." He said taking her uncharacteristic manifest hostility as a matter of course, "Actually, "I'm here to see my grandchildren."

The implication of those words take a moment for Regan to process. Her fury does not allow her to be silent for long however.

"How _dare_ you?!" Regan hisses venomously, "You don't have the right to even speak of them."

Taverley sighed a little and looked at his hands meditatively, "Come on now Regan... let's be reasonable."

This stops Regan in her tracts. She narrows her eyes dangerously, "Get out." The words fall like heavy stones, straight to the bottom of the well, with a sharp thunk.

"I understand your feelings. And I dare say I deserve nothing better than to be given my marching orders, but you have to listen to me Regan-"

"I don't care how many times you apologise...nothing entitles you to even be here!"

He regards her gravely, "I haven't come to ask your forgiveness."

She can only shake her head in reply, overcome with feelings as she is, "You hurt us too many times to make that even remotely possible."

He nods, acknowledging the hit, "I treated you and your mother very badly. I wasn't meant to be a family man," he continues with scholarly reflection, "We were badly matched your mother and I – I was frustrated with it all-"

"Yes, thank you – I _was_ there."

He smiles, "You speak just like her..."

She glares at him challengingly.

"You look like her too – just as lovely." he continues, "But then again your mother made sure you were beautiful. She spent weeks with the doctor deciding your eye colour. She wanted you to be perfect..."

"This is ridiculous..." Regan laughs mirthlessly, "I've already told you, I don't want to see you and I won't allow you to know my children. So just leave..."

"Did you think I didn't love you?" he goes on, ignoring her command.

"What is wrong with you?!" her voice breaks inspite of herself, she stands and moves towards him as if she wants to claw his eyes out. "How can you...?!" she can hardly speak for her anger.

"You're wrong if you think I didn't care. You're my daughter – of course I-"

"Don't you dare say it." She warns him.

He sighs, "I made many mistakes. _So _many mistakes...but from mistakes, come success..."

"You're speaking nonsense - Is...is this it? You're suffering from some sort of early dementia? This is the reason – you're dying and you've come over all nostalgic-"

He holds a hand up, stemming her speech, "I am dying. But this has nothing to do with me. This is about your children...your daughter..."

"River?"

He takes a breath, looking around the room, at the rich furnishings and expensive antiques. He approves. His gaze alights on a particularly remarkable stiletto. Ancient clearly, a priceless heirloom from earth that was. Gold and encrusted with jewels at the top. He picks it up in his hands and marvels at it.

"Have you ever beheld true perfection, Regan?"

Regan is silent.

He looks at her, "Neither have I." Taverley says softly looking wistful, and puts the stiletto down, "It's a dream you know...a beautiful dream. The human race has come a long way. We have suffered, and like the phoenix we have been born anew...many times over. But we are flawed...my daughter, we are flawed in the most...fundamental ways..."

"There's nothing wrong with being...flawed..." Regan said her mouth feeling numb with fear. "It makes us human."

"Exactly." He voice turns sharp, "But why settle for that, when we have the potential to becomes gods...?"

She doesn't reply, but her eyes are wide with misgiving.

"Regan...we keep climbing, further and further towards the peak of our evolution. We've struggling for millions of years...don't you think it's time science gave us a helping hand?"

"I don't know what sort of sick idea this is – what has this got to do with River?"

"Everything!" Taverley takes her hand, "It has _everything_ to do with her!"

Regan pulls away disgusted. "You're delusional."

He still has that irritatingly amiable smile on his face, he turns to the window, and gestures for her to come closer.

"Look at her Regan."

It takes Regan a moment, before she walks to the window. Simon and his father and throwing a ball back and forth, but little River is in a world of her own. She has her hands out to the side and her face looking up at the sky. And she twirls. Faster and faster, never losing her balance – just in a whirl of endless, blissful, childish joy.

"She is our future. And she's perfect." Taverley looks to his daughter "You were special too Regan...everything that is exceptional. Except you are flawed. Your design, has a kink in it which cannot be worked out. But with your daughter...you put in the last piece of the puzzle and you made it perfect."

Regan's memory jolts.

River.

"_An unusual name...but fitting...for an unusual child."_

Things fall into place. Other things come crashing down.

"Mistake..." she repeats in a hollow voice, "Before...when you said _mistake...I_ was the mistake?"

"An initial experiment..." he agreed brutally. His manner has changed now. Gone is the loving father, replaced with the fanatical scientist. This is the man that Regan remembers well. And the man, whose vision and determination chills her to the marrow.

She looks away.

"With River we'll do better. But I'll need your help. Let me make her everything she could be. Let me show you the 'verse, the meaning of perfection...embodied in this little child. Isn't that what you've always wanted for your daughter Regan? To become the best she possibly can be?"

"I want her to be happy –" even to her, her voice sounds feeble.

"The _best_…is what you deserve Regan. And River is going to be _magnificent_. A person remembered and revered long after her death. I see it in your eyes…it's the future you have chosen for yourself. And it's the future you will choose for your daughter. You just have to trust me with her-"

"You won't…you can't take her away from me." Regan's fear is evident in her voice.

"And we won't…yet."

Regan shook her head, "I won't give her up."

"Then you'd be depriving us all of something glorious. Don't be selfish Regan. I know you're angry. You wished it had been you. But it's not…the universe has a plan for us all…it was just not in yours to become…Regan please…."

"How dare you imply that I would sacrifice my child to my own vanity?!" she looks fit to murder him right then and there.

Taverley retreats, "You can keep her…raise her until it's time for her to come away with us. Give her all the advantages any daughter of yours would enjoy, but when the time comes Regan, it would be better if you let her with us willingly. We wouldn't want any unnecessary…_violence_."

He turns his head, and Regan feels an iciness take over her body, rigid with fear – as she follows his line of sight which comes to rest on Simon who plays with his sister.

"No…no you wouldn't-"

"Nothing will happen to him…as long as you do your part."

Regan has never hated anyone more than she hates Robert Taverley at this moment. He just looks at her with that impassive face of his. This is the face of man who has hurt her, abandoned her, asked too much of her and then left her in the gutter. And yet, she believes his every word. Every, terrible, word.

It is a mere second. Barely a moment. But a single gap in time and space that will decide the future. The future of everything.

A mere second. Barely a moment. Forever.

"Promise me you won't hurt them..." Her voice has lost its anger. It is a plead for hope. "Promise me..."

Robert Taverley is rocked off balance for the first time during this interview. He was prepared for anger, and hostility. Whatever guilt he has is assuaged by the stings and barbs she throws his way. But this is not the Regan he knows. This is a daughter, pleading to her father for reassurance.

He takes a step towards her but stops short. When he next speaks, he speaks as her father - "As long as there is breath in my body they will not be harmed. This is your sacrifice alone Regan...Simon and River will not suffer for it. But they won't let her go...even if it means holding your son's life for ransom."

He turns and begins to walk to the door, ready to take his leave, but before doing so, he pauses, and says to her, "I know you love your children Regan– but if you want to avoid breaking their hearts, I suggest that you make sure they don't love you back. It's less of a shock to be betrayed by someone you hate than someone you love – isn't it?"

Regan meets his gaze. Her anger has rekindled and returned full force. "Don't you ever come back here. Or I swear to God, I will kill you with my bare hands." Her voice is barely above a whisper but her strength is blinding.

He nods, and leaves without another word. So quickly, does he disappear that for some moments afterwards Regan wonders whether he was ever there.

The scamper of feet down the hall. Before she can react, the door flies open.

"Mama!" River has come back into the house, in search of her mother. "Mama!" the child runs across the room into her mother's warm embrace.

Regan folds her in a crushing embrace. Only when River makes a noise of protest does she releases her. Only then does she realise she is crying.

"Don't cry Mama..." River reaches out and wipes her mother's porcelain cheek with a small warm hand, "He's gone now..."

River is looking at her with so much trust. So much love that it kills her. The tenuous hold she has on herself snaps and she cries out, "Oh God..." Regan collapses, "Oh God...River, I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry,"

Her mother's pain, distresses River, who tries to comfort her. But instead of accepting the soft touch, her mother tears herself away and runs out of the room.

Later, when Simon enters the sitting room, followed closely by his father, both having come in search of Regan, they instead find River, tears staining her cheeks, sitting meditatively on the floor in the middle of the room, her arms hugging her knees.

"Darling," Gabriel goes to her, "Where is your Mama?"

River raises her eyes to his. For a moment she says nothing. As if not understanding the question. But then, she looks past her father, at Simon who is looking at his sister with bewilderment and she smiles – a smile that her brother, nor her father will ever understand and says in a voice which does not seem quite her own,

"_She's letting me go."_

* * *

THE END

* * *

A/N: The fic has been ages in the making. I don't know why it's taken me this long to come to the point, but I hope it wasn't too anti-climatic. I have endeavoured to tie up all the loose ends left hanging by previous chapters and hope you have enjoyed reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it! **Please comment!! I love feedback.**


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